Small Towns Podcast
Small Towns Podcast
E35: Old Timey Sayings
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Welcome millions upon millions, perhaps billions, of faithful podcast listeners. We are your hosts, Jason Kimber and Dave Simmons. We'll bring you along with us as we share life stories from our experiences living in small towns, or in Jason's case, an unincorporated community.
SPEAKER_01That's true.
SPEAKER_00Along with genius suggestions for solving world problems and a whole lot of laughs. This is the Small Towns Podcast. Well, we're back. Jason Kimbra here, as always, with uh Dave Simmons. Maybe you've heard of him. I have. I don't know if you have, but I have. Listen, Dave, you're you're kind of a big deal around this. Uh not just this part of Tennessee. Well, yeah, you're kind of a big deal. Around this house. The dog likes me when I come in. He doesn't, and I'm gonna tell you on our last podcast, uh, those of you who are our loyal listeners, you will have heard, I think it was the last one that we just dropped. Max actually, the dog, he actually had a little bit of a cameo, if you will.
SPEAKER_01He's had two. There was a pot a couple times ago, and it always makes for a little fun.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it does. I mean, I get so nervous, I'm like, I almost get embarrassed for my dog. Hey, we're doing this real.
SPEAKER_01I mean, just pull the curtain back. Here's where we are. We're in Jason's basement in a nice little room. Yes. He's got uh I've got a stinking like recliner chair. I'm leaning back. I've just done everything but pull the lever. Get comf. Pull the lever. I am as comfy as possible, and I'm happy to say that so far, if you've listened to our last pod, my New Year's resolution was not to take my shirt off this year in an inopportune place. Let's do a let's just do an update. How are you coming? So far, so good. Haven't taken my shirt off once. And the what is it, the fifth? Yeah, exactly. So far, five days in.
SPEAKER_00I haven't taken my shirt off once. Not all of my uh uh New Year's resolutions, I didn't really set many, but um, I was gonna try and cut back on the Coke. Yeah. I I uh and I also didn't start my New Year's resolutions until the first Monday of the year.
SPEAKER_01Okay. It's just felt right.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. So I didn't drink Coke um on Monday, but I had one the next day.
SPEAKER_01Oh well, you made it a day.
SPEAKER_00I made it a day.
SPEAKER_01So I asked, I said, remember I set one for you not to go to McDonald's at all for a year. You shut it down. Yeah, I should have quickly were I left. Yeah, you did. You walked right out. So how long did it take? Did you go actually on New Year's Day?
SPEAKER_00I didn't go on New Year's Day. Oh, wait. Was that on a Saturday? I'm pretty sure I won on New Year's Day. I for sure would on Monday. Well, Monday was the third. The third, and I went. So yeah, I think you probably have been a couple times. I've been uh I've been twice, I've been twice already in the year, possibly three. Um I want to go back a little bit about just our kind of our venue here about being here in the basement. Um we're in the basement, we're in in my office, my home office here in the basement. Heather's office is just next door. We have uh radiant heating, and I want to give a shout out to Cray Williams, he's been on the pod before. He really talked us into doing radiant heating in the floor, which is fantastic. Problem is, problem is, Dave, as you're I think you're probably feeling it right now, the same thermostat runs both of our offices, and Heather's got it hotter than the blazes of fire inferno. Blue flame. I mean, it's just burning up in there. So we're in here, it's cold out, got the window open, and it made me think of this phrase that my father-in-law used to always say, uh, it's hot enough, I got the fat rolling down the back of both legs. That's toasty. That's toasty, that's warm, it's warm. And so I I didn't intend that to be such an eloquent segue. But it's gonna work. But it's gonna work real well. I mean, let's talk a little bit about, let's take maybe dedicate a pod. Let's dedicate this pod to old-timey sayings.
SPEAKER_01Well, good. I mean, coming from small towns, I gotta have to imagine you have some funny ones. I listen, I've got a whole slew of them. But I mean, we had kind of talked about doing a pod like this, and so in preparatory for such a pod, I have actually taken the liberty of finding a uh app which will give us a bit of a for the times where there I mean this is a family family-friendly program.
SPEAKER_00It is, it is. There's no E next to it.
SPEAKER_01No, and we don't we hope there never will be any E. But we have now this bleep button because there might be some things that come out of Grouse Crit that I mean they probably weren't considered swears.
SPEAKER_00No, for sure. And and sometimes nothing better will do. I mean, and so I think the bleep is gonna be very handy. Okay, and I actually think that most of our listeners have the imagination required to fill in the blank, so to speak.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and this is gonna be great because what I envision is a lot of people that listen will have this will spark lots of memories for them about grandpa saying something or or Uncle Uncle Chester. Uncle Chester saying something. This is I'm thinking gonna bring back a lot a lot of them. Didn't you did you kind of pull the audience?
SPEAKER_00I actually, yeah, I pulled the audience. I I did a post on Facebook actually just not more than two hours ago. And they came flooding it. And they just came flooding it. I mean, we've got all of these all of these phrases. Um, I think maybe to kind of just get the ball rolling, and I'm anxious to kind of see how this will kind of parlay, if you will, into just for the discussion. I anticipate you and I love going down rabbit holes. I assume this will be no different. No so super easy. Um of them are funny, some of them are funny, some of them are head scratches. Like, what does that even mean? And and we will explain those and walk through those. We've even got some historical reference on some of them to say where they came from. And some of them, at least some of mine, I'm gonna just have to simply explain what they mean. Well, I would hope so. Because it's pure in my in most of mine are just David Kimber, that's my dad, David Kimber originals.
SPEAKER_01I hope someday I have an original. Oh, I think I don't think I have any yet. The only thing I can think of is Kids Are the Worst. Dot dot dot Dave Simmons, circa 2000. Yeah. That's when my first child was born. Um and do you know what your problem is? Dot dot dot Dave Simmons basically since adulthood.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01Those are two great ones though. But I don't know that I mean, will you put them on my gravestone for me?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I sure will. And even if even if Susie won't allow it, like I'll just sneak in at nighttime and be like, yeah, I'll carve it in there in the back or something.
SPEAKER_01I would appreciate that. Or another one I think should be on my gravestone is well, I'll see ya. Because there's times I just kind of run out of gas. Yeah. And I'm like, it happens sometimes when we get together with our friends.
SPEAKER_00Fair enough. I'm just like, well, I'm good. I'll see you. I'll see you. You have another one, and I don't want to steal your thunder. So if you want to say this related to pod, um, if I, and I'm just gonna try and nice little uh soft ball here, lob it up here for you. If I said you, hey Dave, would you like to go help um somebody move? Uh, what would I say? Not even kind of. It's something that you don't want to do, maybe I'll say, and so you think of something else that you've got to do instead.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. But I didn't make this up. Oh, you didn't? No, my sister, well, what I got scouts. Yeah, that's it. My sister told me that there was a kid on her son's soccer team that whenever that he knew that practice was gonna be hard, yeah, he always had, you know, mysteriously had to go to scouts. Oh, okay, fair enough. So it was, well, I got scouts.
SPEAKER_00Well, I got scouts.
SPEAKER_01So I'm using it for whatever I don't want to do. Yes. I got scouts. Yes. I've got an early morning meeting. I got scouts. I got scouts. Can't make it. I gotta go to scouts. I like that one. Those merit badges don't earn themselves. No. No. Actually, a couple of them did for me. Well, I mean, thanks to our moms. Yeah, they're really good people. Yeah, you know, I got the camping merit badge from sleeping on the trampoline. They were pretty lenient with it, I think.
SPEAKER_00Have we talked about this? Are you an Eagle Scout? Yeah, I am. I had a boy. I don't know how it happened. I well, I uh I think it was a few years ago, I actually sent a picture to our group of friends, if you remember this. I found my old are they called a bandolier? Bandalow. A bandalow.
SPEAKER_01I asked my son the other day if he even knew what it was, and he didn't. But it's a bandal.
SPEAKER_00That's where you put all your merit badges. Yeah. You sew them all. Display them. Display them. Remember the picture I sent? I had, you can put three in a row. I had one row and a third of the next row. So you had four. I had four. I had four merit badges. So you were what? A tenderfoot? They get you ready to the tender foot, right? Well. I probably was working on first classes at next, and maybe the badges didn't quite make it to the bandalow.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. I'd like to think you had some others that mom just didn't want to sew on.
SPEAKER_00She's like, you know what? This kid ain't gonna make it. Hot glue.
SPEAKER_01Susie started just hot glue in this.
SPEAKER_00No, my mom would stitch each one all the way around. She only had to do four, so it wasn't very hard.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I would like to think you had some others, and she was like, that just takes too long. Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. You know what?
SPEAKER_00If he wants to see him, he can open up this box.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, I the funny thing is, is between the two of us, I would if somebody said, Do you think Jason's an Eagle Scout or Dave's an Eagle Scout? It would be you a thousand percent more than me.
SPEAKER_00Well, I don't I don't know if I could agree with that because I I can't even um I can take I can usually tie a square nut, but it takes me two or three tries.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but your dad was a dad that I mean he was an outdoors dad. He could fix things. He could he was like the jack of all trades, master of I'd say most all of them. See, my dad taught me how to shoot jumpers. Um I can throw a ball, I can hit a ball, I can do some of that stuff, but that's only a couple merit badges. You know, that's not gonna get you too much.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and and listen, I'm grateful, so I'm not I'm not um disparaging any of my upbringing, but like it would have been good for me to learn to do a jumper, although you've been you worked with me throwing a baseball, so that's helpful. Yeah, I guess. So we've all got our skills. Um, but I can't help but think, you know what thing that my dad used to always say? Now this is gonna this is kind of a good one to start off because I'm gonna have to explain it. Okay. To give you a little bit of background. My dad would always say, We can't dance and it's too wet to plow. Okay. So there's really nothing you can do. Exactly. So, and that's that was kind of the intent. I would say, wake up on a Saturday morning, I'd be like, hey dad, what's the plan for the day? And he would always say without fail, Well, we can't dance and it's too wet to plow, so let's go fencing, or let's go change the water. Meaning we can't dance, it's too wet to plow, so we're gonna go do this instead. Makes no sense. I mean, it makes sense. The dancing, the too wet to plow. I mean, if it's too wet, you can't plow a field, you know, you get it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So I would like to I would have probably just stopped. We can't dance, we can't plow. So I want to get that too wet in there, yeah. I'm just gonna sit here.
SPEAKER_00There's nothing else I can do. And Heather sometimes she'll say something and she'll she'll just she'll just mess it up. She'll be like, so we can't plow, and does it too wet? I mean, and I'm like, oh, sweetheart, that's cute. She tried to do it. She tried, she tried.
SPEAKER_01One one that I had heard a while back that I thought was pretty funny was when somebody said, What you doing? And the guy said, just um, hold on, let me make sure I got my get my bleep thing here. Yeah. Um, just chewing gum and kicking, but I'm all out of gum. I love that. I mean, you know, so now all he's doing is just kicking a little.
SPEAKER_00I hope. I mean, because as again, peeling back the uh curtain here, if you will, we don't do any extra editing off of this, so we're gonna really make sure that we rem keep our non-E status on here. So get the bleeper ready. Here we go. I don't even think you're ready for this one, but my this is again one of the things.
SPEAKER_01Just point at me when you're ready for it.
SPEAKER_00Okay, this is my dad's famous one. Um if I were working either you know under the hood of a car or maybe uh doing some carpentry work.
SPEAKER_01Are you gonna be able to do this without the swear?
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna try.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I think that you're probably so used to doing it that the swear is gonna come.
SPEAKER_00And I say it all the time. Alright, you're gonna have to focus. I'll say it, I'll focus, and I think it's gonna work. But the thing is, if you're in an awkward position, like you're maybe you're trying to reach a wrench that's clear back there, and so it's kind of awkward, and I'm almost in front of it. And so my dad would always say, if I was struggling, he'd be like, get your behind you. So put a little get a little uh oomph in it. Well, actually, what he meant is like I'm gonna now I can clean it up and I'll just I'll just use a substitute. He's like, get your butt behind you. So like if you're trying to hammer and you're like this, he's like, you know, twist around, get your butt behind you, you'll be able to do a little bit. Leverage. He's asking you to get some leverage. That's exactly what he is. That's good. That's good. That seems funny.
SPEAKER_01I like that one. I'm gonna start using it on anytime I can.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. You got any? I mean, let's let's just go back and forth. And I got I got a list. Again, I got we did so much uh market out uh research on this, we got a ton.
SPEAKER_01Um, my mom used to, we'd get home from somewhere, and you know, if it's getting late, it's time to get in the house and get to bed. Um, or anytime she wanted us to put a little giddy up in our step. Oh, I like that one. That's a good one too. What she would say, I'll just say it's we're going in the house, okay? Last one in the house is monkey's uncle. Well, you know, was your when you're kids, you don't want to be the monkey's uncle. You don't want to be the monkey's uncle, but would it be that bad? Well, as a kid, you're like, geez, I don't want to be the monkey's uncle. And then you get to be an early teen, and you're like, you know what, I don't it doesn't seem like I don't care that big of a deal. It'll be fine if I'm the monkey's uncle. Maybe it just depends on the monkey. Maybe. I don't, I don't, I don't, I just got to the point where I'm like, it's okay. I'll be the monkey's uncle.
SPEAKER_00Um while we were sitting here, I got a text from our buddy Cray.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And um Do I get to get the bleeper out? We're probably gonna use we're gonna need the bleeper on this one, and we love you, Cray, for it. We're gonna actually try and give credit to all the people, yeah, at least who we know. Um but he said that his dad used to say this. He'd say, if wishes were fishes, we'd all have a fry. If cow were custard, we'd eat till we die. Because it's plenty. There's plenty. There's a lot of it. There's a lot of it.
SPEAKER_01Didn't didn't Cray also send one about a tall person? Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. You might you could clean that one up. I'm gonna clean that, I'm gonna I'll clean it up a little bit. That guy's tall enough to crap flat footed in the back of a dump truck. I don't know if that's cleaned it up enough. I probably should have said poop.
SPEAKER_01That's a tall guy.
SPEAKER_00Super tall. I wish I was the tall guy. I had a uh there was a guy um when I went to high school, as you might know, some of you uh podcast listeners, I went to Raffi for high school, so I had to live with another family during the week. And I lived with a great couple, they became second parents, um, Sid and Ruth Anderson. Fun fact, they actually lived here in Millville, you know, 40 years ago. Really? Yeah, Sid's actually from here, so that's another tangent. But he's a tall guy like I am, and so he would always get tired of people asking him, Hey Sid, how's the weather up there? I mean, he's so tall. Yeah. And he'd always respond, it's fine, how is it down around my butt? I guess. He just got so sick of it. He got so sick of it. Now, this, you know what? I I'm we I promised we we're not gonna need an E on this one.
SPEAKER_01Well, while we're at it, and you're talking about Raft River Height, didn't your didn't your bat your football coach used to say something? That this one was great, and I remember because you've said it a few times.
SPEAKER_00I've said it a few times. Uh it was uh it was a day kind of like today where it was rainy, rainy out.
SPEAKER_01And I'm gonna bleep this one because the rhyming part of it is part, so you can't you can't change it.
SPEAKER_00I can't change it, you just have to bleep me.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00And so I remember we're getting ready to go out to football practice and it was pouring rain. And one of the uh he was a freshman, and he was a big guy, uh kind of a big teddy bear kind of guy. Yeah. And um he said, Hey coach, are we gonna play football? Are we gonna go practice? Practice can happen today. And the coach was like, yeah, like why wouldn't? Why wouldn't it? And I think his name was Tom. And he says, um And then Tom says, Well, it's raining. And then my coach responded with this. He says, Tom, unless you're made of or sugar, a little rain ain't gonna hurt you. I love that one. Yeah, I do too. I mean, because it's true, it's true.
SPEAKER_01Just m just toughen up a little bit. Yeah, come on, you're gonna be fine. Um whenever the loosely side of the family, I bet my cousins I'll do it too. Grandpa Loosely used to always say see in the funnies when we were leaving. See in the funnies. And I catch myself saying it even to my kids now. So when they're leaving, yeah, you're you're you're instead of goodbye or see later, seeing the funnies, seeing the funnies.
SPEAKER_00Do you uh is that?
SPEAKER_01So I think it comes from I I looked it up and people will say see in the funny papers. Okay. Like basically, you're funny guy, or I don't know. I don't really know where it comes from, but it's seeing the funnies happen is something that's a loosely family thing.
SPEAKER_00See, that's why I love some of these because it actually just sparks memories of like uh that's a fond memory of your grandfather, right? So you say that. Um I remember if it was ever like like a cold night, my dad would say something along the lines, he's like, Well, there's gonna be frost on the pumpkins in the morning. That makes frost could be anywhere. It could be anywhere, and pumpkins pumpkins, and maybe it's because it's like it's like it's in the fall, right? It's like in the fall, so the pumpkins are gonna be all right. Oh, okay. You know, I mean.
SPEAKER_01Because it's not gonna start getting cold until the fall.
SPEAKER_00Have you ever, um both my dad and also my father-in-law, um would share this. If you ever asked like a super obvious question, that the answer was without a doubt yes. And does that spark any I'm not ex- This is kind of like a test, but unless if I were to ask my father-in-law Phil, I'd say, hey Phil, um you're gonna go flying later tonight? He loved airplanes. And he would probably respond with the phrase, is a frog's fanny watertight?
SPEAKER_01That's better than a bear poop in the woods or something like that. I used to say that. I I like this is a is a frog's fanny watertight. Because you would sure think so.
SPEAKER_00You would hope so.
SPEAKER_01You would hope so it could be uncomfortable for that frog. Poor frog, they'd probably just fill up and sink to the bottom. I like the ones that you could pretty much put in any words that, for instance, I was on a conference call the other day um with uh one of my co-workers, good old John Houston. And if we're throwing out stuff now, John didn't make this up. Sure. Because I know I had heard it, but for some reason it just it struck me as funny this day because he said we provide everything from soup to nuts. Oh yes. Which you could throw anything in there. We provide everything from trees to garbage cans.
SPEAKER_00Well, you know, yeah, but I think there's gotta be we should Google this because I've heard that phrase soup to nuts, which means everything. Everything. Do you think it means anything that you'd start a meal off with a nice bowl of soup and maybe finish it up with a nice uh after dinner nut? Well, I mean, you're digging.
SPEAKER_01Maybe you're you are really stretching for this. Uh maybe. Do people eat nuts after? No, no, it's weird. I mean, wouldn't it be like what do people eat at the soup to dessert? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I mean soup to pie. That doesn't have the same ring to it.
SPEAKER_01Um But I that way it struck me as funny for some reason because why soup and why nuts?
unknownI don't know.
SPEAKER_01There's other things out there you could choose.
SPEAKER_00Um sometimes if uh if you were to ask me where somebody was. So let's just do it. Say hey, uh Hey Jace. Where's uh Heather tonight? Uh she went to have a ham sandwich and a pig's ate her. And a what? And a pig's ate her? She went to have a ham sandwich and the pigs ate her. And the pigs ate her. Yeah, I don't know if it's I don't even know where that came from. She went to have a ham sandwich and the pigs ate her. That means I have no idea where she's at, but I mean it's I mean somewhere. You know, uh the pigs' rebellion. I don't know. Like it makes no sense, but I my daddy's gonna be able to do it. No, but I love them. Yeah. They make no sense at all. And now there's some of the classic ones. Um Careful don't let the cat out of the bag. Yep. Um cat got your tongue. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Okay, what does that mean? I don't even know what a gift horse is. I actually that's why you should say that, because I I had thought of that one, and I was I want to say that this is one that I actually did a little bit of research on, and it's worth let's see, let's look at my note. Russell Russell papers, Russell papers, Russell papers. Um actually. I I think maybe what it is is don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Yeah. It has something to do so maybe is it along the lines when they say um straight from the horse's mouth? I don't know why horses get all the uh the glory here, but that one I understand, like, if you were gonna go buy a horse, as I understand it, I don't I could I I'll stand to be corrected. I don't want anybody getting up in arms about this.
SPEAKER_01We've been wrong before on this.
SPEAKER_00We have been, particularly as related to animals, rodeos and things like that. Yeah, we blew it on that one. But if you say straight from the horse's mouth, I think that means that in the back in the day, you or maybe even now, you look at a horse's teeth to kind of see, I don't know, how old they are or whatnot. So if I said, hey, I got a I got a real young got a real young horse here, but it's like an old 25-year-old nag, you can tell teammates and if they're trying to give it to you, yeah, you look it in the mouth to actually see how old it is.
SPEAKER_01But if they're giving you the horse, who cares? Don't look a gift horse in the mouth and straight from the I don't know.
SPEAKER_00I think you're probably right. There's some there's something in there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. My dad used to tell us to go play on the road. If we're getting out if we're if we're bothering him, it's just hey, you know what, go play on the road. Or he used to say you're sharp as a marble, which is not very sharp.
SPEAKER_00Not very sharp. So I had an uncle who along the same lines, he'd be like, Hey Jason, there's uh a drawer of sharp knives over there. Why don't you go grab some go play in the road? You always have to kind. You know, fancy. Yeah. Yeah, you're telling me to grab some sharp knives and then go play on the road. What about this, buddy? What if I say um that Jason, he can talk the hind leg. Jason can talk the hind leg off a donkey.
SPEAKER_01See, that's another one. I don't I don't understand it. I mean, I get it. You get it in the man context.
SPEAKER_00In context.
SPEAKER_01Well, you can. You can take a handle.
SPEAKER_00I feel bad for the donkey. And maybe you can really use any animal.
SPEAKER_01I've made that before. Um, Big Uncle Jake said his dad used to say, If I had some bacon, I'd make you bacon and eggs if I had any eggs. So he doesn't have any.
SPEAKER_00So you gotta bacon.
SPEAKER_01On Fletch Lives, he says, I'd I'd invite you in for some coffee and eggs Benedict, but we're all out of Benedict.
SPEAKER_00How is that not the funniest thing ever?
SPEAKER_01I don't know. Oh my goodness. I used to call games with a gentleman who he'd been calling games on the radio for I think he said 40, 50 years. A long time. A long time. Yeah. And I might have shared this on the pod one time. But he um to preface the game, like to set the stage for the game, he said, talked about both teams and how it's gonna be a close game, and then he went to commercial by saying, It's gonna be a Donnybrook here tonight. And we go off the air, and I look at him and I'm like, what in the world is a Donnybrook? Yeah, what does that mean? Well, I guess back in old pub days in Ireland, it was a fight. Oh like they'd go behind the pub and they would have a fight, and they called it a Donny Brook. So a real Donny Brook tonight. So it was gonna be a fight. Just a real battle. The real battle battle royale. It's a Donnybrook. Okay. Yeah, you learn something new every day.
SPEAKER_00Uh keeping with the sports theme, I remember hearing uh real Cinderella story.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Is that just from Caddyshack or did he get that from somewhere else? Why don't you just throw that phone in here?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, just geez. I mean, uh, we had to bleep that out too. Um, I don't think. Well, I remember seeing it on Caddyshack, but I I think it's been around. I don't know. It's good. I don't have any ideas where these uh these um um come from. I don't know what the original or origin, if you will, of some of these.
SPEAKER_01Do you remember in Back to the Future when Biff used to say he'd get them wrong? Just make like a tree and get out of here. But do you remember number two? Yeah, number two, and the future Biff comes in and says, It's leave, you idiot. You sound like a dang fool when you say it wrong. You're like, Alright, leave. I think there's another one. Um, he says, he goes, that's as funny as a that's a uh that's as funny as a screen door on a battleship. Yeah, but it's supposed to be screen door on a submarine.
SPEAKER_02Exactly.
SPEAKER_01That thing's as useful as a screen door on a submarine, but Biff used to say it wrong, which is always funny.
SPEAKER_00Which made it even more funny. And so sometimes you get these messed up. What about um I used to work with a guy, he was such a great guy, his name was Devon, and I was a student and working at the Space Dynamics Lab at Utah State, and um I remember we were actually working on a project, I can't remember exactly what it was, and we're trying to do something, and he just said to me, He's like, Wow, that thing's tighter than a frog hair stretched over a barrel. That's funny. Frogs are always getting thrown into something. They do, they do, but that's tight.
SPEAKER_01That is very tight. I assume it's tight. You know what's tighter? What? Balloon knot. Our buddy Nick Zollinger is. He'll always say it's tighter than a balloon knot. It's tighter than a balloon knot.
SPEAKER_00He's not wrong. No, he's not. That's a tight knot. You think about that, like you're not. I mean, kudos to you if you can untie that thing.
SPEAKER_01You're not going to. No, it's tighter than a balloon. Tighter than a balloon knot. Hey, there are. Here's one from I remember from my childhood. Now, this isn't a saying. Okay. Or even a proverb or anything, but it's something that is makes no sense, but that we all knew. I don't know if we all knew, but I did. Let me see if some of my old elementary school people would remember this. We'll chime in on this one. You ready?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'm ready. Go.
SPEAKER_01Ladies and jelly beans, kids of all ages. There will be a mother's party for fathers only. One day, two dead boys walked down the street, drew out their swords, and shot each other. If you don't believe me, ask the blind man. He saw it too. I've heard that before. Have you heard it? I have, but I love it. I love it. I don't know why I remember it, but I remember saying it as a kid thinking this is so funny because none of this makes any sense.
SPEAKER_00No, it's kind of like I can s let's see, was it I can see it clearly now, said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw. Or what's the one like uh I I I'm gonna get these wrong, but this is straight off the cuff. I can feel it. I I uh as a boy peed into the wind. I can't remember. Makes no sense. I don't know like that. That's weak.
SPEAKER_01Well, those were like the the names of books and stuff that kids used to make up, like uh Under the Bleachers by Seymour Butts. Or Pee More Freely.
SPEAKER_00I can't remember what book. Golden Waterfalls by I. P. Stanley. That's like the classic uh uh, you know, the uh the phone pranks that you call. You see how the Simpsons Simpsons always calling Mo. And and uh is there Mr. Butts here, Mr. Seymour Butts.
SPEAKER_01Or how about the ones where like, what do you call? Um I don't know if I got myself down this road. I feel like I gotta finish it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we'll see.
SPEAKER_01Maybe a guy with no arms and no legs in the water. Bob. Yeah, Bob. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?
SPEAKER_02I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Art. I don't know. I don't know. I know some others. You well listen, I call what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pothole? Phil? Are we old?
SPEAKER_00We're kind of old. These are like epitome dad jokes. Oh, classic dad jokes. I love them. Uh in fact, speaking of that, didn't you and Susie go to with the whole family? You went to like, it was a show, but maybe more down your guys' lane and more in your wheelhouse. And didn't Griff say something like, Is it funny, Mom? Or is it like 40-year-old mom funny? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Susie, there was a guy, there's a guy on um Instagram or something that she follows that's that's funny, and he did a show, and she wanted all the family to go. Yeah, she got us all tickets, yeah. And Griff is just dragging his feet on this whole thing, and he's like, Mom, is it really funny or is it 40-year-old lady funny?
SPEAKER_00Well, it's just a fair question because I do think that obviously different generations uh think of things a little bit different.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, because I mean their little sayings, like the other day, Stratt goes, we were talking about somebody who he didn't think was very smart. Yeah. Maybe it wasn't even somebody he knew. I would like to think it's not. Because he's a nice kid. He's a nice kid. But he said something like, She missed an update.
SPEAKER_00I get that. I get that. That's equivalent to like uh she's a few uh sandwiches short of a picnic basket.
SPEAKER_01Yes, which there's plenty of them, uh plenty of them.
SPEAKER_00Not not the sharpest tool in the shed, you know, stuff like that. Or speaking, and I think we probably get to give credit to Nick on this one as well. I remember Nick saying one time to me, he's all like, um, that dude's nuttier than squirrel turds.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. Nick uses them a lot. He has some funny ones. He does. He said one one time about we were playing golf. Actually, he said it on a radio broadcast we were calling a football game, and somebody there was a punt, and the punt, it wasn't beautiful, but it got a good roll to it. It worked out.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And sometimes when you hit a golf ball, it what it's not great. Maybe it's a worm burner, but it it goes down the middle and it it works out. Sure. So he calls them a son-in-law shot. Okay. Not what you have picked, but it'll have to do. That's so clever.
SPEAKER_00I can't believe Nick came up with those. Well, I mean, let's give him the credit, but I mean, for sure, he probably just is repeating that. As we all do. Yeah, absolutely. What if I were to tell you, Dave, uh, you need to grab the bowl by the horns?
SPEAKER_01Plenty, yeah, you hear that one all the time.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01You have to get things done. Let me ask you this question.
SPEAKER_00What would you think if you heard if if English was not your first language? If you came to this country, can you imagine? And you said, hey, buddy, you gotta go ahead and grab that bowl by the horns. Yeah. You'd be like, oh I'm not doing that. Where's the bowl?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'm not doing that. Bulls have horns? No, I don't know. You know, did you notice? You and I both have learned a second language, yeah. How hard English must be to learn for a non-native. Like, I think one of the hardest.
SPEAKER_00I think I think it has to be because as as even this plot has kind of shown, these phrases, they they do not mean like the literal translation uh could mean certain death. Oh, yes. Don't go grab that bull by the horns.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Don't be looking a horse in the mouth. But um, even like when I say how hard it must be, hard is means hard. Yeah. But we we don't say the word difficult. We say hard. We say that's really hard. So to so for a person learning English to think about the word difficult, they have to also know that you can use the word hard, even though it doesn't make any sense. Yeah, those are not in they're only synonyms in certain situations. But there are sayings in other languages, you probably learned some in Chinese.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and Chinese actually, you know, Mandarin is actually um just r full of idioms and Chinese proverbs and things of that nature. Um and if you were to say the proverb, again the literal translation, you have to explain what it means. The literal translation is just simply confusing. Yeah, much like you know, grab grab that bull by the horn. Right.
SPEAKER_01Well, here's one that's I I it's not bully I speak Bulgarian, but somebody one time taught me a Spanish one. And I don't know if it's in Spain or if it's in a different country that they speak Spanish. And my guess is it's not in all Spanish speaking countries. Right. But it goes like this In Bocas Aradas no entran moscas, which means in closed mouths, flies don't fly. Which means keep your trap shut so you don't say something stupid. And I love it. It's a great idea. In Bocaseradas no entran moscas. And I'm probably saying it wrong. No, but a terrible accent.
SPEAKER_00But no, I mean nobody's gonna call you on that. Well, some people might. They might.
SPEAKER_01They might.
SPEAKER_00How about the apple doesn't fall far from the tree? Yeah, yeah, well, we're both epitomes of that. Yeah. Um it was so funny. Um I'm going through some of these uh these things that we were that uh we got from from our friends on Facebook, and some of them we can't, but I like this one. In fact, somebody Oh no, I just I just lost it. How about some of these uh older ones? Um Dave, you better mind your P's and Q's.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. What's a P no, what is a P and a Q?
SPEAKER_00I I had to actually Google that one, and it it actually says it refers to is to keep track of how many pints and quarts you've consumed at the tavern so you don't end up drunk in a bar fight or jail. In a Donny Brook. In a Donny Brook, exactly.
SPEAKER_01Mind your P's and Q's if you don't have a Donny Brook afterwards. That's good. Yeah, I've been never even. That kind of reminds me of make sure you dot all your I's and cross all your T's. Yes, and uh Dotting the I's and crossing the T's. You making sure everything is right, double checking it. How about you mess with the bowl, you go and get the horns. I like that one. Mess with mess with the bowl, you get the horns. We say that at our house because it is on Penguins of Madagascar. It says, well, you mess with the bowl, you get the horns.
SPEAKER_00And I actually like to, I wish we were actually on video here. Fun fact, um, I got a camera for Christmas, we're gonna start recording these. YouTubing them? Yeah, YouTube. I think it'd be awesome. Because think how funny it'd be if I like you mess with the bowl, you get the horns. I got these horns going right up out of my head right here.
SPEAKER_01Or like when you make me lay on your acupuncture mat. That one was that one was something else. Or when we're trying to get you to stretch out on the office floor. Before we were done, before we were here at Jason's house, we were recording the pods at his office. And we had a little space there to do some calisthenics. This is one of the first few pods, wasn't it?
SPEAKER_00There were some of the very first ones. We have to revisit some of those. How about this one? Uh when somebody says, I wish, uh, somebody I've heard respond to that and say, Well, poop in one hand and wishing the other to see which gets filled first. That's funny. Yeah, it's horrible. It's horrible.
SPEAKER_01I here's another one I found that I'd never heard of, and it is a Spanish proverb, but I don't I don't know in Spanish because it was written in English, but it says, thinking without no, sorry, I'm gonna start over, okay? Okay, please go ahead. Can we rewind that? Rewind. Speaking without thinking is like shooting without taking aim.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, it's good.
SPEAKER_01It's deep, right? But smart. Very deep, very smart. And speaking without thinking is like shooting without taking aim. It's right.
SPEAKER_00I've been guilty of that time or two.
SPEAKER_01In fact, my coming home from parent teacher conference one time with my parents, my dad said to me, Dave, um, there's a time and a place. And meaning, stop talking in class. Yeah. Just stop talking in class. And that's good. It is good. I didn't learn it, never did really quite get that one down.
SPEAKER_00I remember um old ones like uh say I'm gonna get this wrong. It's like red sky at night, sailors delight, red sky in morning, sailor's warning. It has to do with the weather.
SPEAKER_01Red sky at night, sailors delight. So it's beautiful and calm.
SPEAKER_00And I think it means that the next day would indicate that it's gonna be a calm day at sea. However, if it's red sky in the morning, I think it has to do with the barometric pressures and the whatnot. You don't have any idea what you're talking about. No clue.
SPEAKER_01On this one. Well, they may call me on it, but I think it's true. I mean, I think it's true. Well, it makes sense that it's nice to have a red sky at night, but in the morning you do not want it.
SPEAKER_00What about this one?
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00Uh and I say this, um, I mean, we gotta be sensitive to all peoples here. Okay. And so if I uh if I want to start out with a swear, if I if I preface that by saying, Pardon my French, I mean, well, are the French known for potty mouths?
SPEAKER_01I they must be. I'm gonna say they are.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01If you know any French people. Well, sailors too. Sailors too. Swears like a sailor. Swear like a sailor. I think all sailors probably swear.
SPEAKER_00If I was a sailor, I'd swear. If it was like a red sky, I would.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah, especially in the morning.
SPEAKER_00No, no.
SPEAKER_01Red sky in the morning say that I'd swear a lot. I would too. Every morning I wake up, see a red sky. You just you just don't want to see a red sky in the morning.
SPEAKER_00You don't. Especially if you're a sailor. Um it's funny, I just kind of go over these notes, and then a lot of people chimed in on Facebook with fun ones. Do you have any favorite ones, even if we said them already? Me? Yeah. I think I've said all mine. I actually got one, um, a buddy that I knew in Australia. He said this. This is this is pure. I'm gonna try it with my best Australian accent.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I'm a little worried about this. Yeah, because it's not gonna be good. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Flat out like a lizard drinking. Flat out like a lizard drinking like a lizard drinking. That means if you are busy.
SPEAKER_01So I still don't get it.
SPEAKER_00Because I actually think a lizard, I mean, I think the concept is do they like do they like spread out flat and just soak up the water for the puddle? I don't know. I don't know either.
SPEAKER_01I think we need to get the finer points of the lizard. I used to just let's max. Once an episode.
SPEAKER_00Um, yeah, so but they would say that all the time in Australia, like, how you been flat out like a lizard drinking. I mean, it's just been busy. Busy.
SPEAKER_01Just burning the candle at both ends. There you go. Burning the candle at both ends. Man, you don't think you don't realize how many there are until you start actually thinking about them.
SPEAKER_00And you don't realize, um, how I've never heard this one in my life, but this I assume is I assume this has got to mean that this you're referring to somebody who's, let's just say, super, super thrifty. Okay. Cheap. Tighter in a balloon knot. Exactly. Squeeze it. That person squeezes a quarter, so tight to eagle screams.
SPEAKER_02I've never read that.
SPEAKER_00I read that for the first time in my life. Who uh my friend Paige. She just put that back in a genius, Paige.
SPEAKER_01Squeezes a quarter soap tight to Eagle screams. That one, that one's on the top five. That's that's top. That's clever. I'm gonna use it. How about who's on the back? Who's on the back of the penny? Abe Lincoln?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's that's Abe, yeah, it's Lincoln. On the front, he's on both sides. His I mean his portrait is on the one side, and then he's the Lincoln Monument is on the back. Is he in that blinking? You look real tiny. I would think you gotta look real tight. You gotta have a monocle or something. Exactly.
SPEAKER_01Squeezes a penny so tight, a blinkin' what? We can we'll make one up. Yeah, exactly. Well, yeah, because falls off his chair. So he squeezes a penny so tight a blinkin' falls off his chair.
SPEAKER_00Well, listen, I think the point being is that um I hope I I hope everybody just kind of takes a takes some time because when we were kind of preparing this, I I kept thinking of all things that my dad used to say. And I know that there are some that he'd said that I can't remember, uh, but you gotta write these things down, guys.
SPEAKER_01You were talking about you were talking about how different languages they say different things. Yeah. In Bulgarian, they say Lekanosht, which means good night. In fact, my kids have always heard that. Not too long ago, one of the kids just didn't realize it was a different language just because it was so prevalent in our house.
SPEAKER_00In your home, yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_01But they say Lekanosh Spiva Zlatnikosh, which means Um, good night, sleep in a golden basket. Yeah, I don't know. It's beautiful. Spivaslatosh. But I don't that's the long that's like us saying, um sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. Oh yeah. So they say goodnight, sleep in a golden basket.
SPEAKER_00That seems way better. I know, I don't that seems a lot better than let the bed bugs bite. Yeah, like you're like what kind of establishment you run in here? Would I would you choose a bed that could potentially be infested with bed bugs or perhaps a nice golden basket?
SPEAKER_01Uh golden basket, 100%. You know, other languages they'll also use t tongue twisters. Okay. You know, speaking of fun things, is it what do you you know, what do we have? Peter Piper picked a peck pickle peck a photo. That's good. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck a wood chuck could chukwood? A woodchuck, woodchuck, all the wood, a good chuck of a woodchuck, could chuck wood.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I didn't know. Did you know they have a second part?
SPEAKER_00No, I did not.
SPEAKER_01Bulgarians have this. Shesh shop vrviako posho shows. Ah, let me try again, can't you? Okay. Can I rewind that? Yeah, for sure. Shesh shop vrviako pochosh, shops le chope, shops le chope. That sounds like a tongue twister to the next level. Well, to not maybe do a Bulgarian is not bad.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, what's it mean?
SPEAKER_01Um it means six people from a certain town, a certain area of the country. Chopa is the that's a person that those are type of person, okay? Okay. Like uh Utah and or uh Idahoan or something like that. So six Chopa walked along the highway, six shops led shop. Shop by shop, shop after show. That's a lot of shops.
SPEAKER_00It's a lot of shop and shops. Um you know what would be kind of a fun activity? What if you made a goal to go the whole day with only speaking in these types of phrases? So, like, I know I'm not saying I'm not saying that we need to wrap this up. I mean, because this is gonna be kind of a fun long one, but it's like, well, Dave, we heard it today straight from the horse's mouth. What you heard was probably worth an arm and a leg. Whatever you do, make sure you don't throw the baby out with the batteries of water, mics and pieces cue so you don't get a dotty brook dotty brook. Donnie Brook?
SPEAKER_01Whatever you do, don't let the cat out of the bag. And before before you listen to this pod, make sure you dot all your i's across all your t's.
SPEAKER_00And grab the bleep if you wouldn't mind one more time. This guy's probably got a snowball's chance in exactly. Lost his marbles, not even squirrel throws.
SPEAKER_01I don't know what's there are plenty of them, folks. Keep thinking of them. And uh don't don't hesitate to post them on our Facebook feed. Is that what you call it? Actually, Facebook and Instagram. We're gonna actually get both. We need some more followers. We really do. We don't know how it all works, but you know, if this thing's gonna keep going on for much longer, we need to make sure people are subscribing and following or whatever, however the whole thing works.
SPEAKER_00And people are probably saying, yeah, I'll subscribe when pigs fly.
SPEAKER_01Thanks again, folks, for listening to another episode of the Small Towns Podcast. We're pretty sure we've changed your life for the better. If not, well, we'll try again next time,