Small Towns Podcast
Small Towns Podcast
E30: As Seen on TV
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Welcome millions upon millions, perhaps millions, of faithful podcast listeners. We are your hosts, Jason Kimber and Dave Stevens.
SPEAKER_00We'll bring you along with us as we share life stories from our experiences living in small towns, or in Jason's case, an unincorporated community. That's true. Along with genius suggestions for solving world problems and a whole lot of laughs.
SPEAKER_01This is the Small Towns Podcast. Dave, sometimes I think when we start these podcasts, I mean I realize that I like to think that we've got loyal listeners, but I think when I started the last one, I didn't even introduce ourselves. I mean, do our do our I mean our people know us.
SPEAKER_00How many episodes are we in now?
SPEAKER_01We're like 26, 27.
SPEAKER_00So what are the odds of somebody coming across our podcast and jumping to number 27? You know?
SPEAKER_01Hi, I'm Jason Kimber here with my good friend Jason.
SPEAKER_00Well, that's who we are. That's who we are. If you're listening for the first time on this podcast, that's crazy. In fact, if you are, stop.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, stop. Go back to the first one.
SPEAKER_00Go back to the first, just to get to know us a little bit. Exactly. And then jump to 27 if you want.
SPEAKER_01Because 27 could very well be our very best weekend. Well, it remains to be seen. It's hard to say. I got a good feel about this one, though.
SPEAKER_00Well, what why, Jace? What do you think of it? What's in that beautiful Belgian head of yours?
SPEAKER_01Quarter Belgian. Quarter Belgian, thank you. Quarter Belgian. I'm quarter Belgian, my mom is half. My grandmother, full-blooded Belgian woman.
SPEAKER_00Just do the just crunch the numbers.
SPEAKER_01Beautiful, it's pretty easy. My girls are eight.
SPEAKER_00Yes, they are.
SPEAKER_01And I actually refer when I started to date Heather, I would always introduce myself. Hi, my name is Jason Kimber. I'm her quarter Belgian lover.
SPEAKER_00Okay, let's leave that.
SPEAKER_01Let's leave it. Let's leave it right there at that. Um you know, it's Dave, you've known me for a lot of years, so you know that I've got some quirks. Just one or two. Just one or two, but I guess, you know, maybe let's not call them quirks. Let's call them lovable traits. Thank you. Yeah, sure. It's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Nicest thing anybody ever said to me. You can twist anything. Yeah, but I got a lot of weak spots. And is it those arms? You've seen me. You've seen me. Like, I couldn't even like. Remember we did an episode like where I had to get like in a yoga pose? Yeah. And I couldn't even. I mean, well, yeah, you were down for a while. I tried to shoot the duck, right? Yes, you do. And I couldn't do it. Let's just say if you were shooting a duck, that duck got away.
SPEAKER_00Yep. No duck all over that night. When you said that, it just reminded me of a time when I think Susie had to go to the doctor for something. Yeah. And she said it. I can't remember which child. I want to say Maya. And so Maya was really little at the time, and um Susie goes, Well, I just need I need to go to the doctor. And Maya goes, Oh, to fix your face. Why would she say that? Why would she say that? I don't know. It's how she's yes. Just little. Just little. Just little. You know, kids will say the craziest things when they're little.
SPEAKER_01Sometimes moms will though too. I mean, I don't think I've ever I don't think I've ever shared this. I don't know why I thought it, but you're talking, you know, Maya says that to Susie, you need to fix your face. Um when Heather and I first got married. Well, I need to start the sentence over again because I'm gonna reference a mole that used to be on my face right by my nose. Mole. And it was mole named that movie. Um I had a mole right on my nose. And it wasn't just when Heather and I got married, I've had it my whole life. Really? Spoiler load, I don't have it anymore, and that's the purpose of this story. Um little mole right here in the corner of my nose, kind of right where the it kind of flares out. Yeah. You can't see it because it's gone. Yeah. I'll tell you why. Was it a beauty mark? It I'd like to think so, yes, but the only problem with this beauty mark, Dave, is that every not every time, but if I'd shave with like a regular, like a shape a straight razor, if I nicked that sucker, it it just would bleed like a sieve.
SPEAKER_00That's probably why you had a mustache at 13. Yes, I kind of hide it. Yeah, yeah, you didn't want to shave around that thing.
SPEAKER_01I got I sorry, we're I'm gonna finish the story, but remind me to tell another story about a mole. It seems weird, but I gotta tell a mole. But so Heather and I got married, and there was a good uh friend of the family who happened to be a uh skin doctor? What do we do? Dermatologist. Thank you. Yeah, sure. Dr. Dermatologist, yeah. Yes, and uh, so I was telling him about it one time at family get together. He said, well, just come into the office, I'll take it, I'll just cut that thing right off. So I went in there, a little numbing cream, a little couple tiny shots, and sure enough, he just shaved that thing right off my face. Yeah, pretty slick. Pretty slick. Fast forward a week or two, Heather and I are out to my parents' house, and I say to my mom, now you knew my mom, she's sweet, sweetheart. Just a sweet, I mean, never like no guile in her. She's just a sweet person, okay? And I don't know, guile it's not like a biblical word for me.
SPEAKER_00Well, I like the word guile.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. She didn't have any of it. None of it. Um, I said, hey mom, I said, Do you notice anything different about me? I mean, that was just You put it on a T. Yeah, well, yeah. I mean, I was setting myself up some fierce, and she's like, Well, I I I don't I don't think so. That's kind of like, you know, you know, preening my head about so she could see. And I said, Well, I've had um, I've recently had some cosmetic work done. And she said, Dave, what that was to be. She's like, oh, oh, did you finally get those bags removed from underneath your eyes? Good for Betty!
SPEAKER_00I mean, you can't set her over too. No, no, no. Was she being serious? I don't because I don't see any bags under that.
SPEAKER_01I think I was like, Mom, I don't have any bags under my eyes. I got gladness. And then, Dave, this was this was 15 years ago.
SPEAKER_00So I've got bags now. 15 years ago, you would have been late 20s.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. No, no, no. Yes, yes, late 20s. Yeah. And so I definitely got bags now, but no, I got the I said, no, Mom, I said this mole, which I was born with, and you've known me lost. On this earth. So, um, but it's again, like, and and whether it'd be um I I got to one more mole story that I want to get back into.
SPEAKER_00Every time you say mole, I can't not say mole.
SPEAKER_01We were helping. Did I I might have told this. If I have, it doesn't matter because we're gonna do a podcast about how we're getting old.
SPEAKER_00But there's somebody who's listening to this episode, very first time.
SPEAKER_01And if you're listening to this for the 27th time, well, enjoy this story again. Remember, we were down helping the goths move, some nice, nice people in our neighborhood. And early morning, and it's important, not early, it's 8 o'clock, but in the morning, which is an important detail of the story, we're just finishing up, and there's a young teenager playing, good kid, like him. He comes up to me and he's just kind of looking at me. Just kind of looking at me, kind of staring at me, but not right in the eyes. His eyes were kind of going like analyzing me. Yeah, and maybe more or less saying looking at my left ear down on my neck area. Okay. And I was like, You see something, buddy? He's like, Yeah, you And he's kind of kind of shaking his head back and forth, and he's kind of look up, he's gonna get close to me. He's like, Yeah, you got something right there on your on your neck. And before I know it, Dave, he reaches up and I had a I had a mole skin tag little skin tag, and he grabbed it and ripped it right off.
SPEAKER_00He ripped it right off my neck! Okay, first of all, sick. Sick! Would you want to rip a skin tag off of some other person?
SPEAKER_01No, no, no, and I said, I said, I said, ha I it started to bleed, and my I mean I felt like it was like in a slasher movie. Yeah, that's close to your jug. Juggler, and I just went like this, and I mean and put my hand up there to s just squawch, squawk, squelch. Making up words. Squelts the flow of blood. It's pouring through my fingers, you know. Like, where have you give me a doctor a doctor mouse? I said, Clint, what are you doing, buddy? He's like, I says, that was attached. And he said to me, Dave, he's like, I'm sorry, I I I thought it was a chicken wing crumb.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so the fact that you said it was 9 a.m. or 8 a.m. 8 a.m.
SPEAKER_01That makes a difference. It makes a difference because have you ever had chicken wings for breakfast? Never. And do they have crumbs? No, they don't. They don't. A chicken wing crumb. I mean, I don't think that exists. We've been working for a couple hours already. Well, we got there at 7. And I peel an orange, I sweat. So if there was if there was any crumb, I mean, like, the sweat would have washed it away. Yeah. Six.
SPEAKER_00I don't want to rip anybody's skin tags off their bodies, no matter where they are. But I don't know what to I mean, because for the most part they're usually there in a armpit area.
SPEAKER_01Exactly nobody wants that. I think this might have been well, mole skin tag, it's hard to tell. But I didn't I didn't know, you know, in retrospect, I didn't know whether to like punch him in the face, but that would have been wrong because he was like 14 at the time.
SPEAKER_00Probably got arrested for that.
SPEAKER_01Probably got arrested that. Or I didn't know whether to thank him and have him send me an invoice because I would I would have paid something dermatologist for that. Yeah, the crazy thing is is when I'd shave, I'd try to stay away from it, but every I'd sh I'd invariably shave it off and bleed a little bit, but grow back. But when he ripped that sucker out, he must have got it by the roots. It's gone. Never, it's never look, nothing.
SPEAKER_00You look wonderful.
SPEAKER_01Thank you, I feel wonderful. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, one more thing, one of the kids said to Susie one time, they're riding their bikes, yeah, and Susie was in front of the child. Okay, and the child says and and look, when I say things like this, I get in bad trouble. Sure, of course you do. But the kid said, Mom, you need a bigger bike seat. That's so rude.
SPEAKER_01And and it's fine. It's fine. And kids are, I mean, kids aren't trying to be mean.
SPEAKER_00I mean, they're just trying to state what they think. Exactly. If we were all like children, the whole cancel culture thing out there would be all upside down.
SPEAKER_01It'd be all over the board. Yeah. Nobody would keep a job. I want to do another cancel culture episode. I thought that was fun. Well, that was kind of fun. We'll do another one. Um, but I I again I'm all over the board. I think the listeners probably know me well enough to know that I am I think I got a good healthy dose of ADD.
SPEAKER_00You yeah. Which I'm trying to do.
SPEAKER_01I think a lot of us do. Yeah, I mean I can't help it. So I'm all over the board. But I started thinking I got a lot of weaknesses. A lot of problems, you people.
SPEAKER_00Besides the arms. Exactly.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I got I mean my my legs strong like an ox. Good core, good pace. I can't do a pull-up to save my life. I will one day.
SPEAKER_00I mean, uh none of us are. Unless you're going to the gym every day. Which if you are, shame on you.
SPEAKER_01Shame on you, no. And if I do, if I do go to the gym, I'm like, have you got some of those really huge big rubber bands I can put my knees in? Just have a guy out here. So I do have short of my arms. That's funny. That's just the weakness I have. I got a lot of other weaknesses. And it's I don't know if it's gotten better or worse, but but this weakness started. Once again, a fool and his money are soon parted. Do you remember back when when we were not when we were young, because when we were young, you remember like after the 10 o'clock news, channel 4, channel 5 would just go to the color line.
SPEAKER_00You know, tell Mitch Rich came on at 6 a.m.
SPEAKER_01or it shows. But then, I'm gonna say in our teenage years, college years, enter the golden age of the infomercial. Oh boy. I you know what I'm talking about. You get sucked in on those every time. So I'd like to do, I thought it might be kind of fun. And and Do you have the Ginsu knives? Uh no. Okay. Didn't didn't mean I didn't want them. Didn't need to cut your own shoe. Exactly. And then a fresh tomato. Right after. And you know what, Dave? After this podcast, I may go uh Google, I might buy those. The knives. Because it seemed like a probably a pretty good purchase.
SPEAKER_00If they'll cut a tomato like that.
SPEAKER_01But back in the day, do you remember like you couldn't Google it? It was like infomercial, if you see what you like, call this number, you know, and in six to eight weeks, four easy installments. But wait.
SPEAKER_00But there's more. There's more. And you get two of them. And you get two. Well, how can I pass that up? I don't want to lose money on this.
SPEAKER_01One of the first things that I bought, um, uh, and it it when Helen and I got married, we'd again late at night watching TV, these infomercials would come on, like, oh, I I need to have that. And one time, do you remember ever seeing an ad for grass seed that would actually grow on a cinder block? No, I'm not making this up.
SPEAKER_00Not the chia pet.
SPEAKER_01No, it's not a chia, but like it was like it would kind of like if you got trouble spots in your yard, you know, grass won't grow there, or you know, you've had too much uh dog pee on your yard. Oh, that's another podcast, but um, but then you sprinkle this magical grass seed on it that I feel like they must have got it from Jack and his magic beans. Where'd that thing go? And and then it just grows. Doesn't matter what the soil conditions is, and they do a little infomercial where they'd actually put it on a cinder block and it would grow like two to four weeks later. And then there's a little bit of an asterisk down there that says results not typical. That sounds like voodoo. Well, I and it because I bought it, I think I probably paid 30 bucks for like an eight-ounce bag, which is you know, that's like a tea bag.
SPEAKER_00It'll maybe uh grow grass on this table.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Um you know, 12 weeks later it gets shipped to me. Uh plant it, nothing. Doesn't even work. You got gypped. Probably had, you know, maybe maybe the fine print was like you had to plant it on a s on a lessened block.
SPEAKER_00That and you have to have snake oil to make it grow.
SPEAKER_01Exactly.
SPEAKER_00So, but have you, I mean, I mean I've got a whole list of things, so I don't want to just I don't I there's been a time or two, like there's one going around right now, like this copper pan, where you can put an egg in there with no butter or whatever, and that thing's gonna come right out, no problem.
SPEAKER_01Well then they like it seems like they hold the pen up and they blow on it and the egg like Yeah, it blows my mind. Yeah, it does, actually. I haven't thought that.
SPEAKER_00But I'd like to- You want to, but it seems a little seems like a lot of work.
SPEAKER_01Well, you go to Bed Bath and Beyond and you can just buy those. Yeah, that's what I figure. S seen on TV. I love it.
SPEAKER_00I haven't I I know. Though I did buy one thing. So it was a Saturday, lazy Saturday. Yeah. I'm sitting down on the couch just feeling fat. Yeah. You know, just heavy. Flipping through the channels. Yeah. Come across an infomercial with Brooke Burke, old Brookie selling uh some sort of, I think it was like a yoga type video that came with your own yoga ball. Oh, okay. But and everything. Is that one of those big blue ones? Yeah, you sit on it.
SPEAKER_01You can sit on it and keep your posture straight while you're okay. That's what it was. Yeah. Um you got real good posture, so you must have to know what you're looking at.
SPEAKER_00I mean basically the letter C. Today's podcast brought to you by the letter C. Sometimes when my kids are sitting on the barstool by our and are and they're just kind of hunched over, you know. I'm like, you look like the letter C. Would you straighten up a little bit? But and you know, easy for me to say because I straighten up right now. I'm like, ooh, that's a little tight. That's tight. It feels like well, Brookie got me that day. But the problem is, is I couldn't be bothered with getting up and finding the phone. So I'm down on the couch just I'm like, sis, sis. Could you bring me the phone and a credit card? Why? What are you gonna do? Well, I'm gonna buy this exercise workout that Rip Burke is pushing here on TV. You can't get up and get it yourself? No.
SPEAKER_01My exercise will start in four to six weeks when it gets delivered.
SPEAKER_00I promise I'll be. I don't think I ever use it. I did pump up the ball and it was a real pain around the house. Oh yeah. I just had to I popped it later. Just I couldn't be bothered with that either.
SPEAKER_01But I tell I don't know what it is. I mean, I'm sure it's just kind of the I mean, there's gotta be a science behind that. It's like, is it the sounds, is it the music, is it the colors, like what is it that's just drawing us into those infomercials? Like, I gotta have this, and not only do I have to have this, I need to have two of them.
SPEAKER_00Well, I think that the the health ones are the ones because we all feel disgusting. Yeah, for sure. So that can get anybody, but the Ginsu knives or the pan, well, tell what have you bought?
SPEAKER_01Okay, so I I actually also had a a health health purchase, and it's along the same lines because it's like, I know I need to exercise. I also know that I don't like to exercise. So if you say, I've got a great way that you could exercise, lose weight, look great, and not do anything, not do anything, and then I'm like, where do I start taking my money? Take my money. And there was Spare no expense. Late night infomercial, similar. Guy by the name of Sean T, I think he's still around on the old internets. Um, it's just one internet, so I didn't mean to put all that. That's okay. But there's interwebs. The interwebs. Sean T, I think it was called Dancer Size.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh. I want to see you dancer size so bad. I got I got it.
SPEAKER_01I got a video.
SPEAKER_00The headband.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I had to sweat my karate kids sweatband going on.
SPEAKER_00I had my gym shoes on, some shorts, shorty shorts, shorty short shorts, warmer, or at least tube socks.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. And some sweatbands around my wrist.
SPEAKER_00Well, you gotta dab off. Dab my brows.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. And it was like you the concept was to just you know dance yourself thin. You know?
SPEAKER_00I mean, you love to dance.
SPEAKER_01I I listen, I'm a regular John Travolta, I cut a rug. Well, uh, that still remains to be seen. I didn't need to see this footage. I'm like more like the Elaine Elaine. Yeah, the Elaine Bennett.
SPEAKER_00Looks like she's dry heavy.
SPEAKER_01But uh I bought it. It was DVDs, so we Heather and I actually, I can't remember earlier, we bought some VHSs, so that really dates us. But this was DVD. Oh yeah, I put that in in the DVD player, and uh I just shake the whole house dancing around. I mean, it was just it was like left, right, hug yourself. Left, right, hug yourself. Well, did you drop any pounds? You know, not not really. Not really. I learned some killer dance moves, though. Did you? Yeah, I mean it was really, really good. I mean, it's kind of cute. I've I've actually I keep saying this on every podcast, and I got no I've got no shame. I got some video, I'll see if I can put it on the gram.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that'd be funny. Let's see some of those.
SPEAKER_01I'll let's do that. I mean, we've got all these notes here. Um, but I've bought a lot of things. Um let's see. Oh. I'd buy this. In fact, I saw this just recently and I kind of wanted to buy it. Um remember the Time Life music collections? No. Are you kidding me? No. Like, Time Life, I think that's just like I don't know. Don't you have the books on?
SPEAKER_00No, no, you don't. I do popular science. Popular science. Bet you've got bet you've gone through things a time or time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, listen, it's popular and I like science. No, the time life, I if you were to Google Time Life right now, if I grab your phone and do Time Life uh, you know, music, they would put together collections. And so there'd be like monster 80s ballads. Okay. Or old time country. You know, I'm talking Johnny Cash, um, Merle Hague.
SPEAKER_00Forever 70s. Yeah, see, that's it. Um Lifetime of Romance. The best of soft rock. Oh, that I've got that. I bet you do. Yeah. The Ultimate Rock Ballads collection. Got that one. Sweet Soul of the 70s.
SPEAKER_01I need to.
SPEAKER_00Well, that's $134 in time life.
SPEAKER_01Well, I bought this, you know, but you know, I bought this like, you know, 20 years ago, so that was like, you know, way cheaper.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I would like to think so.
SPEAKER_01But but it's like it's like a collection of like 16 CDs.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01So that's a lot of music. It is, it's a lot of music, and it's just all the best ones. I remember Heather and I were laying in bed one night watching this thing, and you know how they'd have the title of the song rolling up on the TV screen? I remember that. You remember that? Yeah. And there would one come on, I'd start singing. And the next one, and I'd start singing. And Heather's like, you know every single word. And this was an old country one. So Oak Ridge Boys, Johnny Cash, uh, Merle Haggard, uh, you know, umakridge boys. Willie Elvira. Boom. Elvira. I just I mean, that's nostalgic for me. Yeah, me too.
SPEAKER_00All my cousins, we'd all sing that together. You would? Yeah. On my mom and dad's waterbed.
SPEAKER_01And I had to sing the gity up. Boom bop, boom, bop. A mile. I didn't mean to just horn into that, but I couldn't. No, we have to.
SPEAKER_00If we're gonna sing, we're gonna sing together.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and if you and when you when you when that I can't not not sing that song. I would think less of you if you did. My heart's on fire for Elvira. Elvira. And I still have that. I mean, uh a few years ago I digitized it so I could have it, you know, you know, on my listening devices. Um, but I love it. But but the problem is, Dave, that this has been a problem for me that has not gotten better. It's not gone away. I mean, as as recent, I just got something in the mail maybe uh two months ago. I brought it down here into the studio. Yes, you should. Let's see this thing. You I'll I just want to get your first initial. I actually want your reaction and what do you think this would be used for?
SPEAKER_00Okay. I'm just gonna let you he's bringing this up to the table now. Yeah, have a look at it. Everybody through this. Let me move my beverage. Don't they have videos with like an unwrapping? I hurt myself on it. Um all I can say, folks, is this looks like the bottom of a golf shoe. But it's a hole almost the size of a pillowcase. Yeah. Oh, this is some sort of a torture device.
SPEAKER_01You know what? I mean What in the world? Listen, buddy, I'm here to tell you. I am a new man because of it. Really? Um, well, that's actually still out. The drew's still out on that. Are you laying on this? Yes.
SPEAKER_00Is it like it's almost like an acupuncture type?
SPEAKER_01Acupuncture, it is. And I it's called the Shock T S-H-A-K-T-I. Now, folks, we're not getting any sort of promotional uh you know kicking. Oh, but we should, we should. Because we're gonna, I mean, I don't I don't know exactly. Um so the concept is it's a shock tea mat, and you're exactly right, it's like an acupuncture device. These little plastics, like they are pokey.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. When I tried to grab it and you had it folded over, I hurt myself. Yeah, he yeah, he hurt himself. Yeah, I I mean I didn't puncture skin.
SPEAKER_01He's all like he's like all like sleeping beauty over here. Yeah, I am, I am. All of a sudden he passes out. Susie, we're gonna need a kiss. But what you do, I mean, if you were to just Google this, it it's all about acupuncture. So what I do is I take my shirt off. Well, that's fun for the whole family. Yeah, it really is. And then, you know, you you sit here and then you lay down, so this is all over your back. And buddy, I'm here to tell you. The first time well, the first time I couldn't do it bare skinned. I had to I had just a t-shirt on because it like it hurts. Yeah, it hurts. Even put my hand on it. Yeah, and then and then all of a sudden, kinda feels good. Really? Kind of feels good. I think the concept is to just, well, I don't know, release the toxins. Do you have toxins? I maybe I do release the kraken.
SPEAKER_00Um but yeah, it's supposed to increase the blood flow. So the first time you tried it, you couldn't lay right on it.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_00How long did it take you to get to the point where you're like, I can do this thing bare skinned? I did it every day for a week.
SPEAKER_01And how long are you laying on it? Um five minutes. Any more than that dangerous? I don't think it's dangerous, but like, but but if there's not a chance I could do it, even the first couple times, I want to say I did like 30-second increments. And you're like, and then the concept of like getting down on it and then even sitting back up. Yeah, I'd have to hand. You've got more pressure in different spots. I'm gonna try it right here. You can try it? Well, I'm scared of it. But you don't have to take off your shirt. You can just take off your jacket. Doesn't usually take much to get me to take my shirt off. I mean, but like if I just sit on it, I hope I'm still coming okay on the mic. Because I have a shirt on still. Oh, actually, that doesn't, I mean, you you don't even know it's on it. You gotta maybe take your shirt. You can't even feel it. No, I can't even feel it with it. Through the skin. I've got I've got a I've got a thick, thick shirt on it. Well, maybe you better take your shirt off. Yeah, I'll try it. I'll try it. You guys listen.
SPEAKER_00We got it. Listeners. Yeah. You don't want to be here. It's breathtaking. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if you want to be here.
SPEAKER_01Listen, guys, I'm gonna tell you. Um the the jazz or the dancer size, whatever was Richard Simmons, sweat to the oldies. I'll leave my other shirt on. I'll leave my motor shirt on. I'll leave my own shirt on.
SPEAKER_00Okay, we're gonna go.
SPEAKER_01He's down.
SPEAKER_00He's starting to lay on his uh acupuncture, Shakti. Shakti. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what though, and then I kind of do this sometimes. I put my Oh, that's Gassy Daddy. That's that is that is a yoga pose. Yes. That I'm glad I'm up here. I'd like listen. It feels so good. Well, I'm a fan. I could I do it? Yeah, you sure could, buddy. Just try it. I don't know if I should. I think you should.
SPEAKER_01Well, we can hear you. Can you be my spotter? Yeah, I sure will. Okay. I'm trying to say anything. You're not, I don't listen, as much as I'd love to see that shirt come off, I mean, you know Well, if this I don't know if this. Yeah. No, we're not editing any of this out.
SPEAKER_00I'll go to my t I'll go to my t-shirt.
SPEAKER_01Exactly.
SPEAKER_00And just I feel like you're gonna have to like spot me.
SPEAKER_01I may have to give you a hand up. So you don't want to be down in the gassy daddy spot. Sit, you know, sit there at the very end of it. And then just gently, gently, gently.
SPEAKER_00Gently, gently, oh, oh.
SPEAKER_01What do you think?
SPEAKER_00Oh. It just hurts. It's a little, um, I mean, a significant amount of pain.
SPEAKER_01I don't feel like I can move. It's only on my shoulders. It's only on now, pick your legs up. Go into Gassy Daddy. Oh. If you can. Uh, oh. That's right on the bottom now. Yeah. Ouch! Yeah. Um, yeah, I think I could get used to this. And I I don't, I mean, I'm just we're gonna just have to refer our listeners to the web, shock tea. I it is relaxing. It does help kind of, you know, get the stress out. I'm stuck. Well, I'll help you. Okay. I'm gonna need a hand here.
SPEAKER_00Oh, no, I have now question. Do I have to put my shirt back on? That's uh kind of nice. Yeah, it's completely up to a couple of guys sitting in their undershirts. That's a beautiful podcast. There is there is another. That should be the name of the podcast. Two guys sitting in their undershirts. I did buy something else. Because I my pillows are my head is hot. Yeah, and I have not I've only found one pillow that I like, and I only like half of it. Oh dear. Yeah? Only half of it. It's a contoured pillow, but I don't like the contoured side. I like the flat side. And the whole pillow is probably only three inches thick.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so not a real low wall.
SPEAKER_00Yes, and it's very firm.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00And but I like a cold pillow and it's not that cold, so I have, but I can't turn it over like a traditional pillow because the other side is contoured. Yeah. So I have to turn it. So, like, say my head is on the pillow in this direction. I'm showing Jason with my phone here. I turn it that way. You turn like 180. Yeah. So I'm on a chill. And the chillow is Does it work? No. I had to put water in it. Yeah. And the water was supposed to create the cooler pillow. I hope you don't drown. Well, I definitely woke up wet. Oh. Yeah, all of a sudden I'm like, what? I am really sweating right now. Yeah, like what happened? Did you like pop a leak? Either wet in the bed. Or or it or it sprung a leak.
SPEAKER_01Oh, if I had a dollar every time I heard that.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, I was I thought, wow, I'm really sweating. Turned out the chillow was leaking.
SPEAKER_02Oh.
SPEAKER_00But if anybody knows a pillow that is about, I can't have it any thicker than three inches. Low loft, folks. Low loft. Low loft. It's gotta be pretty firm, and I need both sides to be really cool. Like a very cold pillow.
SPEAKER_01Were we talking about this the other day? Somebody was telling me that they actually take their pillow and they put it against the window in their bedroom. Like a great idea. Yeah, because then I mean, but that's gonna get warmer. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's just initial. It's just initial.
SPEAKER_00So when I flip a 180, it's it's cool, but it's not lasting long enough. I need something to stay nice and cool all night long. I toss and turn all night long.
SPEAKER_01Well, you remember we've got a friend named Nick that uh puts the ice packs in his suit jacket. Yeah, super smart. Super smart. Like, that seems like a good idea to do that with, but I mean, the the thing with the pillow, like, it's still gonna be comfortable. You can't be sleeping on an ice pack.
SPEAKER_00That's it's been a problem. I am I've been married for a long time now, and I still haven't been able to find a pillow that is right for me.
SPEAKER_01I feel like that's like challenge accepted.
SPEAKER_00Okay, well you can help me, but it can't be because I did get one from our good friends at Maloof, yeah, and it was too thick, too high.
SPEAKER_01Is it high at lost? Loft. I think it's pillow lingo, I think it's loft.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so it's high loft, low loft. It was too high of a loft. I needed about half the what it is.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00That one's become a decorational pillow, and it's supposed to be a like a cooler pillow.
SPEAKER_01Pillow? It doesn't work.
SPEAKER_00Well, I can't sleep on it. It's like I'm sleeping on the cinder block with Gretinel grass.
SPEAKER_01We'll find one. We'll find.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I need something.
SPEAKER_01Uh I'm here to tell you, I love those infomercials. And I listen, if I'm even to this day, if if we're flipping around, it's late at night, flipping through the channels, I'll stop. And if it intrigues me, I'll buy it.
SPEAKER_00What else you got? Anything else on that list you bought recently?
SPEAKER_01Um I'd prefer to say this might have been a free gift with the uh with the with a magic grass. It was it was it was basically an auger, like a like a drill of sorts that you would actually put in your electric drill. And the the premise was then you didn't have to bend over to weed your flower bed.
SPEAKER_00Don't think I didn't think that's genius.
SPEAKER_01So I remember trying, I put it in my drill, I'm you know I just kind of like like gunholster slinging it, you know what I mean? It it didn't work. Yeah, I can't be bothered to bend down and pick that weed up. We're gonna do a whole new podcast about listen, I can't bend down in my 40s. No, every time I sit down, I'm like that progressive commercial, and just uh all of a sudden I sit down and Heather's like, did you just pour yourself a bowl of rice krispies? Some caution? Some steel-cut oaks? Little snap, crackle, and pop over there.
SPEAKER_00Either you're getting snap crackle and pop with your with your rice krispies.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Or you're just old enough to order some steel-cut oaks.
SPEAKER_01You you always harass me about steel-cut oaks. They're so delicious.
SPEAKER_00We go to Angie's, it's a local place. Everybody around here knows what we're talking about. It's one of the locals.
SPEAKER_01And we're local.
SPEAKER_00And we are local. But we go there to and um, I would say, wouldn't you say that 70% of the meals ordered there, no matter what time of day it is, are breakfast items.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because they make a fantastic breakfast.
SPEAKER_00But Jason doesn't get an aluminum, and he doesn't get, you know, the country, what's the the one at the double barrel breakfast?
SPEAKER_01Or the country breakfast.
SPEAKER_00And the country breakfast. He gets still cut oats. Um, what else?
SPEAKER_01No, that it's a meal because you get a nice big bowl of steel cutoats that with a side of bananas. Uh could you squish those up for me?
SPEAKER_00Could you maybe mush those up for me and serve it in a Gerber bean?
SPEAKER_01I just can't chew. I just can't chew anymore. Listen, that's delicious.
SPEAKER_00This first of all, this is a meal so far for anyone without teeth to be fine. Just fine.
SPEAKER_01Are you having a hard time chewing? Have I got a deal for you?
SPEAKER_00Steel cut oats and mushed up bananas.
SPEAKER_01Steel cut oats, delicious. A nice, there's a good texture with these oats.
SPEAKER_00That's the problem I have.
SPEAKER_01It's like a nutty, you can't chew through, it's delicious. Really?
SPEAKER_00I would think they'd be smushy. Like no, no, no. Like the applesauce you get at Texas Rogouts. Along with potatoes.
SPEAKER_01What time tape? Listen, it was my second dinner of the night. I was full. Dinner number two. At a T-bone, I couldn't I couldn't get the load of baked potatoes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I can't get those or the fries or anything. You know what? I'm just gonna go light tonight. How's your applesauce? Is it good?
SPEAKER_01Is your applesauce in season? Toby, does that come with a squeezeable pouch? Bags that still get all too. And for dessert, a gogger. Maybe with dessert, maybe just a nice bowl of bread pudding. No, better yet. How about just some more milk and bread?
SPEAKER_00Oh, my dad would break up bread and put it down into milk. Oh, I thought. And just eat it with a spoon. Did he put any sugar in here? No. Oh. So I I mean, I have a problem with that. And I so I went to my grandma.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00She's the sweetest lady there ever has been.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_0093, I think. And I taught, I said, Grandma, did you talk to my dad, did you teach my dad to do that? And he she goes, honey, she always said, Oh, honey, you have to try that. I'm like, Grandma, I can't try that. That is the texture of that, I can't even wrap my mind around. You know, Susie can't even eat crackers and milk. Like, dip graham crackers in milk.
SPEAKER_01See, and I love it because I love it. And sometimes if you're lucky, your graham cracker actually, if you risk it a little too long, it falls off.
SPEAKER_00It falls in, and you better get after it.
SPEAKER_01Oh, or just drink it at the end.
SPEAKER_00That would make Susie so sick. Shoot up. But but could you put could you put milk down in or bread down in a glass of milk and spoon it out and eat it?
SPEAKER_01Well, not no, not bread, but let me tell you what I some as a kid I used to do this. I haven't done this for a long time now. It makes me hungry for it. I do toasted PBJ, and sometimes I'd dip the little end of that in milk.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's not bad. It's delicious. Like when I have toast with peanut butter, I'll dip it in my cereal.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, because it's just good.
SPEAKER_00That's awesome. It's nice. So Stratford has a peanut butter sandwich with Cheetos on it.
unknownOh my god.
SPEAKER_00That's weird, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like right out of the tub or where.
SPEAKER_00Well, it hasn't got that cool yet. Anybody that eats Cheetos in a tub has gotta be pretty cool. Top notch. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01You're talking bread, peanut butter, cheetos.
SPEAKER_00Cheetos. And cheese puffs. In a perfect world, I think. I don't think he's I think he'll go with Cheetos too. I think he'd even put Doritos on this.
SPEAKER_01That's I I mean I'll put I'll put chips like on a like a ham salad sandwich. I like that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, me too. But it that sandwich is the only reason I'm not doing that is because the sandwich itself is bland.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. And I like the crunch. Um, we should we need to dedicate it, because we're running over, but we gotta dedicate a whole podcast to food.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I can talk for hours about food.
SPEAKER_01Me too, and I've I can talk and I can eat for hours.
SPEAKER_00I mean, you don't get this building in our undershirts.
SPEAKER_01We got room and stuff. Got my stretchy pants on. But I don't listen, I'll give you for sure the final word after I say my thing, because I just need you. This is a challenge to you. I challenge you, and I will pick up the tab. We're going to Angie's. We're ordering still cut out oats.
SPEAKER_00Did you see the look on my face? Yeah, it's like it's. It's like I got a little poop under my legs.
SPEAKER_01Just crunching my nose. His nose is creaming up, he's getting that little between his eyebrows. Um still cut out oats, bananas, brown sugar. They also serve it with raisins, but I don't like raisins. Well, raisins are disgusting. So I'd leave those out. I mean, why eat a rotten grape? Just eat the rains.
SPEAKER_00Just eat the grape.
SPEAKER_01And then they actually just serve with a side of milk because you I just pour enough. You don't need a ton of milk. It's just so just try. That's a challenge. I'm dropping it down.
SPEAKER_00Okay, I'll do it.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00I'll do it. I'll do it. Fine. You'll keep bothering me, you'll keep asking me, I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. Thanks again, folks, for listening to another episode of the Small Towns Podcast. We're pretty sure we've changed your life for the better. If not, well, we'll try again next time.