Small Towns Podcast
Small Towns Podcast
E20: Law Abiding Citizens... is what we hope to become one day...
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Welcome millions, upon millions, perhaps billions, of faithful podcast listeners. We are your hosts, Jason Kimber and Dave Simmons. We'll bring you along with us as we share life stories from our experiences living in small towns, or in Jason's case, an unincorporated community. That's true. Along with genius suggestions for solving the world's problems and a whole lot of laughs. This is the Small Towns Podcast.
SPEAKER_01Hi again, everyone. And we've talked a little bit, Jason, about how we want to make sure we we don't want to get away from the small towns idea. And sometimes these stories might not sound like small town stories, but we're two guys from smaller town. You you from a super small town. Um and it's kind of the our perception and our thoughts on things as we have grown up in in the environments we've grown up in.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think I think you could say safely, Dave, that uh well, at least for me, I I don't want to speak for you, but like all of my life, life decisions, even you know, I'm 44 years old, and for sure I look, you know, my life experience is definitely through the lens. Through the lens of a small town upbringing.
SPEAKER_01Yep.
SPEAKER_00And we live in a small town now.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Well yeah. Especially if you were to compare it to you know big cities that a lot of some of our listeners are listening.
SPEAKER_00And another way to say, I don't mean to get off on a tangent here, but made me think about small towns. Last Saturday, I believe, or was it the Saturday before that, I lose track. Story still applies. Still does. Uh it was our town's celebration, like old Mill Day. Yeah, here in Millville. Yep. And we actually were headed down to the airport to pick up some family. And so we were gonna miss the parade that starts at 10 o'clock. So Heather and I were pulling out of our driveway to go to head to Sulake to pick up family, and it's 1025. And I think, oh, we better loop up around through Providence because the parade is you were gonna be in the parade. You know, I just we needed to get to the airport on time, and so we didn't want to fight with that. I have to imagine you didn't have a bag of Tootsie Rolls to throw to the kids. No, I have nothing. No, you know what are you gonna do? They could have thrown some to me. But the reason that this is a small town and why we love small town parades is we pulled out of our neighborhood and I could look down to where the parade would be vacant. I mean, that's why you know you're in a small town. The parade started at 10 and it must have been over by 1020. Yeah, you're gonna knock it out pretty quick. Best parade ever. Yeah, you just in fact, sometimes they might want to just turn around and come back and check the other side out. You just throw some more candy. So again, but again, it is small towns podcast. I do think though that most of our stores, Dave, even even if they don't maybe stem from those small town experiences, uh, there's always a nug of small town. I think so. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So you know, I I thought today, and uh, we've talked just briefly before we started this podcast about different situations that we've had in in our cars driving. Oh, yeah, sure. So so the thought today would be to pass on the wisdom that we have, which I don't know if we have actually any wisdom at all, but of situations that we might want to how we should react and how maybe not to react. Yes. Um so have you have you do you have any are do you get rage? Do you get road rage? Uh no. Well, good. Do you okay? Let me ask you this. Yeah. Would you be open to flipping somebody off?
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, I yeah. Uh yeah. In fact, well, I I got a story about that, but uh, is it I don't want to interrupt you?
SPEAKER_01No, you you can I I I've never I've never thought to myself, well, I'm gonna flip that person off.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I actually thought it and then I did it. You just flat out did it. Yeah, well, but it's it's not quite all that dramatic. I mean it's dramatic, but but I I was I mean I'm a wuss about it. Yeah. Because I was first west, eighth north in Logan. Okay. Again, it's local, but it's a it's a it's a uh off side street, not a lot of traffic. And I'm cruising through and the road T's, and at the T, it's not a stop sign, it's it's a yilt sign. So you don't have to stop if there's no traffic coming. So I'm cruising through, I'm northbound, okay, and at the last minute, there is a guy in a Ford pickup truck. It's the four-door, like in the 80s model, so it's like, and then a long bed, so so long. Yeah, this is like driving a semi-truck. Yeah, he's in a bus. And I I should have just it would have been better for me to, for lack of better words, cut him off because I could have busted around him. But no, I lock up the brakes and basically stop halfway into the intersection. And I see this guy, and of course, he's not just driving in front of me, he's turning left, you know, to go southbound down the road that I'm on. So I sit there and he just slows down to a snail's pace. And he is slowly turning left. And at this point, he's so slow. I'm obviously at a standstill. And as our windows cross, like we're within five feet of each other. He's got a big old cap on, sunglasses with the cool um uh the uh the thing that attaches, you know, so that he can wear him around his neck if he gets tired of wearing them. Yeah, never gonna lose him. He's got a cool 1970s mustache. Okay, and I see him, and a little bit of visual effects here. I see him through the window, and as he slowly turns, he does this slow clap, looking right at me. Like he's giving me the slow clap, like I am the dumbest person to ever get behind the wheel, which I was I was in the wrong, Dave. I have no problem with that. I was in the wrong, and it it actually was a beautiful execution of a slow clap. Yeah, I thought it was very well done, but oh, it made my blood boil. Again, I was in the wrong. So the instant, the instant that he was out of my purview, I slapped my finger up against the window. He'd never gonna say it. He'd never see it. But it made you feel better. It made me feel better, and I'm like, how ridiculous was that? So if that's gonna be the road rage.
SPEAKER_01But if that was to happen to you again today, would you react the same, or would you just kind of laugh at the situation and almost look at him like that's on me, man?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I would for sure. Super sorry. I'd be like, I'd be like, sorry, and I'd say it out loud knowing that he couldn't hear me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but they can read your legs like that.
SPEAKER_00I'm so sorry. And and the hands, like, whoops. Whoop, my like, my bad. I'm you know, my hands are going towards my chest. You know, picture it, guys, if you will. I j I'm just not a road rage kind of guy.
SPEAKER_01Like when you're sitting in a light and it turns green and somebody behind is starting to honk within one, two seconds. You're like, just give it a minute. Easy on the horn. We don't need to be all over the horn. Yeah. You know, one time I've been angry twice driving. Behind the wall. No, I'm not sure being angry, but this is next level. So I I pull, I pull out and I need to get over one more lane so that I can make the turn I'm gonna need to make. So I I start signaling and I'm still driving, but slowing down a little because I still got to get over it. Yeah. And I'm looking in my rear view mirror, and I see to me, it looks like the person behind me is slowing down also to let me in. Okay. So I I pull over. I might have even given a little wave. Yeah, I'm a I'm an acknowledger.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, acknowledge. I just need a wave.
SPEAKER_01I just need a wave.
SPEAKER_00You should.
SPEAKER_01So, anyways, I'm in, and then I have to get over even one more. Well, you don't have to, but you can get over one more, and then the then he comes up, the person that was behind, comes up right next to me at this at this light. No, I'm gonna back up a hair because it ha he actually comes up to me before the light and gives me a big old bird. Oh, he flew the bird. Flew the bird. I hate that uh so at that point I'm like, huh. I guess he wasn't letting me over. Like I thought he was. He appeared to, but he sure appeared to. I thought he was letting me in. Yeah. And so I just, you know, I let that go. Because who cares? Yeah. So we get going a little bit further. He pulls up to me again and gives me it again.
SPEAKER_00Oh, see, now then I don't know how the story ends, but it's on him. It is on him. It's on it. Just just buddy, let it go. I can't, I at that point I can't let it go. No, you shouldn't. He should have. And I didn't. Yeah. I followed him home.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, okay.
SPEAKER_00Dave. Dave.
SPEAKER_01I don't see that. In hindsight, looking back on it, I'm like, he could have been a wacko. Yeah, he could have. Like he you followed him home? Yeah, I followed him to his home. And it was it was the city past ours.
SPEAKER_00Okay. And did you think you like in your mind, you're like, I've even prepared to go to New York. Like, you want to throw down? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. I'm not getting out of the car.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01Don't think I got out of the car. I'm not that tough. Yeah. Not tough at all, actually. So I follow this guy home and he gets out of his car, and I whip it around so that I'm now headed the other direction. I just flipped a UI. Yeah. I roll down my window and I say, So what you're saying is you weren't letting me over back there, though. He's like, well. I'm like, what's with the birds, man? Yeah. And he goes, You scared me to death. I'm like, uh, well, he didn't say it that way. It was a little bit more colorful. A little more colorful. I'm like, you don't just be flipping people off like that. Look at you. And then I drove away. Look at you. Yeah. Well, but he could have pulled a gun. Who do I? I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Well, I mean, I'm glad you're safe. You gotta be careful. But I hope he learned something at that point. I hope he did too.
SPEAKER_01That's where I was like off my lawn. Because he was younger than me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Not too much, though. Here's another one. You have one? Do you want to go back and forth? No, go. I mean, we're gonna go back and forth. You go. Here's another one. So I'm gonna pick up some lunch, pull into the Jimmy John. They're freaky fast. Yeah, they are. I love them. Yeah, so in the one we have, you pull up to the when the little thing where you order. What do you call that thing? The menu station. Menu board? Yeah, the menu board. I say kiosk, but it's not kiosk. But you're talking to the menu board. Speaker. Yeah. So I I place my order and then you you creep forward. Gosh, you know what I'm talking about. No more than what, 10 feet?
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01And then you gotta crank it to get to the window. Because if you don't actually kind of go out and then crank hard, you're actually you're not gonna make that window. So I pulled forward just a f just a few feet because there was a person already at the window.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01So I couldn't go anywhere. No. So I'm kind of stuck there. And all of a sudden I hear a honk. And and I'm like, well, that's weird. I don't know where that came from. Maybe you're thinking, you're thinking, maybe they slipped. Maybe they slipped. I mean, because there is nowhere anybody's going in this lane. Right. Why would you honk? Yeah. So I hear it again and I'm like, are you kidding me? Is she honking at me? I'm fuming at this point. As you should be. So I I finally get to the window. They're freaky fast. It didn't take very long. Sure. And I'm still fuming. Yeah. Because there was nowhere to go. And I pull forward. Now in this particular one, you you're in like a little gauntlet thing. You can't get out. No, you can't get out. Yeah. Curbs on both sides. Curbs on both sides. So I pull forward and stop. And she's in the park she's now in. There's nowhere. I pull forward enough that after she gets her food, she can't go anywhere either. So she pulls forward and I get out of my car. Oh, you're poking the dragon. Yeah. Okay. I get out of my car and I walk back to her window and I said, You need to work on your patience. I said, Where do you want me to go? She goes, I want you to pull forward. There was nowhere to pull forward. Like, there's a car. And I think it's that's when I said, You need to work on your patience. Yeah. And I went back to my car and I got in and I left. She was wearing a pulse fill uniform. And I hope she didn't, as they say, go back to work. And go pulse filled. Because then that would have been on you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. But it's kind of on her. It is kind of on her because, like. I'm glad I did. I'm glad and she was kind of being like a little bit of a jerk. Yeah. No, not a little bit.
SPEAKER_01Big jerk. There's bigger words that should be used for that. You can't honk at people in a drive-thru. Where are we all going? Yeah. And even if she could have pulled forward just a little bit, there's nowhere to go after that anyway. No rush. They're freaky fast. You're going to get through there. Yeah. You're going to be just fine.
SPEAKER_00It's not just a catchy jingle. They are freaky fast.
SPEAKER_01They are freaky fast. You order it, you pull up there, and there's the sandwich. You're like, is this voodoo? Did you know I already how did you know I was going to be here?
SPEAKER_00They're like, sir, we saw you coming from a mile away. You just look like you're going to order the number two, the big one.
SPEAKER_01You're ordering the number 11 chicken country, country club.
SPEAKER_00They're like, don't tell us extra meat, we got it. Yeah, we already know.
SPEAKER_01I got fired up just telling that story.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, as you should, because that's she's I don't hate, I mean, I hate that. Something similar happened to me one time. I was at a red light. Like it's a red light. I can't wait. There's no word, and I'm like, I'm first in line. And this woman behind me gives me a little toot. And it, we're not even talking that she's not even seeing that it's turning yellow on the opposing lights. No. It's full-blown red. Cars are going. And I'm thinking, maybe she slipped. And so I looked at her in the rearview mirror, we locked eyes, and I did one of these, like, shrugged my shoulder, like, what do you want to do? What do you want me to do? Yeah. Because I thought, well, I'm going to do a small one like that because what do you want me to do? And maybe it was an accident. And I expected her to be like, oh, I'm sorry, you know, like palms facing forward. My bad, I didn't mean to honk at you. My dog just jumped up onto the, you know, whatever. Yeah. Then she leans into it. Longer she leans into the horn. Oh my. And at this point, with all the anger and gumption that I could muster. Vitriol. Vitriol, my shoulders shrugged up, and I did this, my hands went up, and I just looked her in the rearview mirror and I'm just like, what do you want me to do? Where do you want me to go? Well, I'll tell you where I want you to go. Yeah, that's what I still I'm like, maybe she's just fun in with me.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. I I just don't have any patience for that. Me neither. I just people need to be just a little nicer, a little more patient.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And and and unfortunately, sometimes we we see that not being the case. Something sometimes getting behind the wheel of a car changes a person. Yeah, it really does. And do you have a problem with speeding tickets? Well, I knock on wood, it's been a long time, but I most assuredly had my fair share.
SPEAKER_01All speeding, or did you get anything for anything else?
SPEAKER_00No, all cis speeding tickets. I remember uh right out of high school. And the crazy thing is, is like I got like one or two tickets, but my brother, he had like speeding tickets, he had like a reckless driving, he flipped a U and hit somebody one time. So I mean, like, he's racking up these things. That's how they do it in grass. That's how they do it. I mean, you either you ain't first or last. I get two tickets, all of a sudden I get a letter in the mail that says, I need you to report uh with a parent to let's like DMV cop court or whatever. It's actually here in Logan. And I was like, Oh, okay, I guess I will. And I'd go up there with my dad and this guy, he was not super friendly. He's all like, Do you know I could take your license away? And I'm like, Yes, sir. And then I was like, No, sir, and yes, sir, I'm sorry, sir, I'll do better, sir. And he's like, You think you can keep it under control and not speed for the next year? Joke's on him. One month later, I'm leaving for Australia.
SPEAKER_01Son jokes on him.
SPEAKER_00Hey, for sure I can. My dad's like, Well, well, son, sir, well said, son. He's like, he was uh he was not in the mood to joke. You held it together a little bit.
SPEAKER_01I I got too many tickets, especially as a youngster. Okay, yeah. And I knew I was one away from getting the old license suspended. Sure. So for all of our kid, our local listeners, I worked at Fred Rico's.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. That's good pizza.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, this I know the secret recipes. Anyways, I uh for some reason I was tasked to go down to one of the suppliers to pick up ham. Everybody knows about the ham. It's just hammered with pizzas. I know some of our local listeners listening right now, their mouths are watering as we.
SPEAKER_00Oh, give me some of that garlic bread.
SPEAKER_01So, anyways, I'm cruising back up past university, up to Frederico's on fourth north. I think it actually changes as you get up farther towards the mouth of the canyon, but all of a sudden I see the lights behind me.
SPEAKER_00Oh no, yep, yep, yep.
SPEAKER_01And I pull in to Frederico's, and so I'm actually in the parking lot. And he he comes up and he starts talking to me, and I'm and I'm at this point begging. Yeah, please hey, I'm just trying to do my job. I mean, I can remember saying, I'm just trying to do my job. Just wavering to be not care at all. And I mean, I'm trying to be nice on everything I could do. So he writes me this ticket. Oh no. And and and at this point, I know it's it. I mean, that's for him. That's the straw that broke the camel's back. So um, he's walking away, and I say, Well, I hope you feel good about yourself. Dead walk walk back to my car and he goes, Do you know there's a $200 fine for disorderly conduct? Oh, I'm like, Well, sorry. That's funny. That's it. You sassed him. Sassed him. You sassed him. Yeah, well, I knew it was it. I was pretty frustrated. And sure enough, my license did get suspended. How long? A month. Okay. And it was the I think summer after my senior year in high school. Oh, you needed the license. I need it. And and Susie, who the at the time she became my wife, but she was my girlfriend. Yeah, she had to drive me everywhere. And I found out recently that it kind of bugged her. Did it? But she didn't act like then.
SPEAKER_00No. She just had to tote me around all over the place. She's like, I'm just gonna get used to this, I guess. Yeah, well. Heather actually, uh I and I think I can say this confidently. Uh I I'd be open to a fact check. I know for sure it applies to Heather. But I think Heather and every single one of her uh swans and siblings, I think they've all had their license revoked as kids. Really? Yeah. Just for speeding tickets. Speeding tickets.
SPEAKER_01Do you know Susie has never had a speeding ticket? I'm on the city. I just want to go talk to some local, some of our neighbors who are police officers and said, you know what, just give her a ticket.
SPEAKER_00Pull it over. Yeah. Just it'll it'll be better for me if you just give her a ticket. Maybe like they could pull her over and they're like, yeah, this ticket's from Dave. They're still in his heart.
SPEAKER_02That's bad.
SPEAKER_01But I just wanted to flat out give her a ticket. And because as sweet as she is, she does not care for things when I get a ticket. That's one of those that's dumb.
SPEAKER_00You've just wasted money, and we have uh for no reason, just drive the speed limit. Nothing, yeah. Nothing good came from that money that is now gone.
SPEAKER_01I claim that I because of my red hair, I think I stick out a little more. So like I could drive by and a cop sees me here, I'll give that guy a kick.
SPEAKER_00You're gonna give that ginger a ticket. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01He can be profile just a little bit on that.
SPEAKER_00Well, or it could be the fact that you just you pedal to the metal, you know what I mean? No, don't be ridiculous. There's no way I'm going that fast. Well, and I've you know, listen, I've been driving since I was like since I could reach the pedals. When you the again, speaking of small towns, when you're from a place like Grouse Creek, I mean I learned to drive a tractor early on. Could you still drive a tractor? Oh, without without question. Could you like well? Could you drive it well? Yeah, for sure I could.
SPEAKER_01I'd crush it. Could how about a backhoe?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I could drive a backhoe. Now operating the backhoe, like digging a hole, uh it would be a little jerky, you know. I mean, it it would it wouldn't be it wouldn't be a hole you're gonna, you know, rattle to mom about. Well, is there such things? Well, I don't know. I was like, man, that was a bad trench you got there.
SPEAKER_01My brother-in-law Jake, he grew up in Preston, which is another small town. Yeah, and he he tells a story about I don't think it was him, but there were some just hoodlum kids, you know. Went to a park and then something the workers had left the backhoe there.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01And so they decided they're gonna they're gonna drive this boat.
SPEAKER_00So we're talking like theft.
SPEAKER_01Pretty much.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01They got in, couldn't figure out how to make it go forward or back, but they could figure out how to work the bucket thing.
SPEAKER_00Well, thank goodness they couldn't figure out how to go forward or back. They just dug a huge hole. Well, listen, to a man. I find that so funny.
SPEAKER_03I didn't know. Here it is.
SPEAKER_00Let's dig a hole. To a man with a hammer, everything is an L. I've said that a thousand times. Yep, and they had a backhoe, so they dug a hole. Uh, have you, I mean, uh, short of speeding tickets, and I don't want to tell you a story too about a speeding ticket, but like have you has that been your only altercation with the law?
SPEAKER_01No. Oh no. And speeding, I also had uh two, how how can this happen to a kid? I think these podcasts are really painting me in a light that makes me seem really dumb. No, I don't think so. Okay, good. No, I think I mean you're gonna be able to do that. How about when I tell you thank you? How about when I tell you I got a ticket for not stopping at a stop sign? Okay, twice. The same stop sign. I still didn't learn the lesson in the first place, rolled through it again, and got another ticket, different time.
SPEAKER_00Different, like how is there was there a time frame that passed?
SPEAKER_01Like how long?
SPEAKER_00I don't know. But you ran the same stop sign.
SPEAKER_01Soon enough. I mean, okay. Never is the long time. No, you can't just run the same stop. And I look, I'm not just blasting through stop signs, I'm looking both ways. Yeah, it's kind of what we call a I think a California stop. Yeah, it should be to me. In my mind, all stop signs should be yield signs. You know, if nobody's coming, then go. Just go. Why would you stop? I don't know. The other one was well, we were I thought maybe one day we would have a podcast about high school hijinks. Oh, yeah, for sure we will. This is this is what happened.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01How are we doing on time? Uh we're 21 minutes into it. Let's go for a few of these. Let's go. I'm gonna take you back to 1994. Okay. Okay. You're a senior. Senior in high school, student body officer. Got a boy. Arrival high school, Logan, burns an L on our football field. Boo. Burned it. Yeah, that's never that's not coming back. No, in fact, to this day, I'm st I still would love to get to the bottom of who burned that L on that field.
SPEAKER_00Turn yourselves in.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, so there's some sort of statue of limitations, and I know I said it wrong. Why did we not get our statue of limitations? We'll get a statue. I'll get one. But there's gotta be some sort of statute of limitations to where you're not gonna get in trouble. I just gotta know who it was. Yeah. But the L didn't look good, by the way. I mean, talk about lazy work, yeah, poor penmanship, but whether to be cursive or anything. So we're like, well, that's not good. We gotta get them back.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So we went to Mountain Crest High School, and right on the other side of the parking lot was a dairy farm. And one of the other student body officers, old Anthony has him, he had access to a whole lot of manure. Oh no. A lot of manure. And he had access, speaking of tractors, to a to a tractor. So we got two pickup trucks and filled them full of manure. Um and we decided we're gonna go put this manure on the Logan High football field.
SPEAKER_00Oh, which I think we've got to burn it in its own way.
SPEAKER_01Maybe. But we're 17 with really no plan beyond that.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01Well, all we knew is we had two two pickup trucks full of manure. So we cruise into town. We're Mountain Crest is on the outskirts of Cache Valley, and Logan's right in the heart of it. And so we drove right into through Main Street. We hang a left, we're sitting at the old V1 gas station, which is just kitty corner from the high school. Yeah. With no plan. We don't know what we're doing from this point. So we we were sitting side by side, it might have been front and back in these trucks. At least three to the three to the front of these trucks.
SPEAKER_03Sure, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Now, little did we know, we should have known, but little did we know that look there's Logan City's police and there's also Cash County police. Okay, sure. So Logan City uh patrols Logan City. They had police officers just crawling around that high school. Oh I don't know if they were expecting something in retaliation. Must have been a mole. Must have been a mole. So we're sitting in this seat, and all of a sudden cops pull up. They come to our truck. I think, I think they might have gone to the truck behind us first. Because again, we had people in both trucks. And they come up to our window and they go, What do you plan on doing with all this crap? Literally and figured out. I think because I talked to one of my buddies who was with us, old Dunkley was with us that night, and I think he was in the other truck. Okay. And he had already told him, We're just we need to go and fertilize a field. Pretty smart, you know? We're gonna cash out. There's gonna be plenty of fields to be further in. And that's and that's really what not far off what you're gonna do. So the cop comes to our truck and goes, What are you planning on doing with all this crap? And old should I throw should I throw the guy under the bus? Oh, I why not? Old J.R. Benson says. But I'm bumped. Yeah. J.R. goes, we're just gonna put it on the Logan High football field. Just we're gonna put this on the Logan High football field. Next thing you know, we're hauled down to the station. Oh, you really? Oh, yeah, hauled right down to the station. And by the way, I'm a good kid. Yeah, you are. I said to my mother before I left, hey, we're gonna go try to put manure on the Logan High football field. And she said, Don't get caught. I don't know if my dad knew. In fact, at the time I didn't think my dad knew. Anyways, they get us down to the station and they're gonna call all of our parents. So I say to the cop, hey, ask for my mom. Because she knew. She knew. Well, it's three or four in the morning. And it is it is late. Yeah. He he he asks, he goes, Is uh Jan Simmons there? And my dad goes, Well, of course she is. It's three in the morning. And he goes, Well, can I talk to her? And he's like, No, you can talk to me. Yeah, oh no. And he tells him, and so fast forward, you can't get manure out of the back of a pickup truck with that same tractor. Oh no, of course not.
SPEAKER_00And we don't have a dump truck. So what are you doing? You're like shovel. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Look, that's gross.
SPEAKER_00It is sick.
SPEAKER_01I'll never forget.
SPEAKER_00But that's how you were gonna have to put it on the field.
SPEAKER_01Well, we didn't even think that. I'll never forget Jenny Hone. The poor Hone. She's in the back of that truck, basically knee beat. And I and here I am the gentleman that I am. Sure. Standing plenty far away from the truck and saying, Hone, you're doing so good.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Keep up the good work.
SPEAKER_01Put that extra 30 pounds into it. I'll be good that far. Yeah, I just want to do that. It's I in high, you know. I still lay at bed at night sometimes thinking, how could we have not shouldn't have done that. I mean, how could we have pulled that off? In hindsight, maybe just some maybe just some like plastic sacks full of manure that you launch over the field over this and just run for your life. Because any manure is plenty of manure.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but but I'm I'm gonna tell you, like, maybe even just go back to the drawing board a little bit more. Because that's yeah, we didn't have a good plan. Yeah, that's a tough one. I mean, it's a tough one to get the manure. I'm not poking holes in your in your plan because it would have been awesome had you.
SPEAKER_01Where were the police officers?
SPEAKER_00Where was the Cache County when they were pleasing burning when they're burning L's on our field? Like, I mean, it's like a big old bonfire for crying oil.
SPEAKER_01How about how about well maybe they just put down some like heavy fertilizer and it burned it? I don't know. Yeah, that would do it. In my head, I thought there was fire. Yeah, yeah. But much elder, they painted our horse outside straight up purple. See? Where are the cars? Where are you exact?
SPEAKER_00Listen, can I I got I got please do just two short ones. Please. And I know you'll appreciate the first one because I again I've had several speeding tickets. I don't really consider myself a lead foot, but because of that, Heather got me uh it might have been one of our very first uh Christmases as a married couple, she got me a radar detector. Remember those? Yeah, oh yeah. I don't think you I mean, can you are those even a thing anymore? We call them fuzzbusters. Fuzzbusters, yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01Now that in hindsight, that is that's probably not a great term. No, I don't think so. We don't want the fuzz on the fuzz on our tails. Hey, but police officer pulled you over and you had one of those instant tickets.
SPEAKER_00I know. I always and of course they're seeing it, but you'd try and hide it up like against the driver's side door, you know, they're gonna see it. But anyway, I had one, and again, uh maybe for our younger listeners, because I don't think my girls would even know what it is. The concept being is when a radar is present in the area, it will beep like beep, beep, beep. And then if it's radaring a car that's close to you, it's like beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. And so you know it'll slow down. Yeah. Well, uh, myself, Heather, our friend Meredith, and I believe Rhonda, we had several cars, but that was who was in our car again, driving the Tahoe. We'd spent the weekend in Jackson Hole doing some little whitewater rafting. Of course, I went to rafter for high school, which makes sense because I was river rafting champion. I don't believe that for a second. That's not true.
SPEAKER_01I was like, do you do inner marrels, rafting inner marrels?
SPEAKER_00So we're coming, we're coming out of Jackson Hole. I don't know the area up there too well, but we're coming just down that long canyon. You know, we're coming out, and I'm probably clicking right along. Well, I was obviously speeding, but this is the part of the story I think you're gonna really like. Okay. We were all four of us just singing to the top of our lungs. It was a mix between show tunes, okay, do you love a good showtune? Yeah. Or like, well, the song that I was singing to, it was uh Karen Carpenter, Top of the World. Oh, yeah. I'm on there. Top of the world looking now create the episode. Yeah, yeah. I can sing with it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we're singing loud, and all of a sudden I'm like, hey, what's that beeping noise? Yeah, I was being pulled over right at that moment. Couldn't even hear the radar detector because music sounds so loud. Karen Carpenter is an indomitable. Well, I tell you what, she's forced to be reckoned with. She's an American treasure. She really, yeah, oh, bless her.
SPEAKER_01Well, if you're gonna sing that if you're gonna sing that loud and you can't even, then you're having a good time. I was having it.
SPEAKER_00I didn't even care about the ticket, and I just took the little traffic school online and uh moved it to a non-moving violation.
SPEAKER_01Speaking of not caring about a ticket, one of the funniest things I ever heard was my brother-in-law, again, Big Uncle Jake. Yeah he got a ticket one time and he asked the cop, he goes, How much do you think this is gonna cost me? And the cop goes, I don't know what he said, but he's probably a hundred bucks or so. Jake goes, it's chump change. It's chump change. It's like I'm gonna do it again in five minutes. You better back. Yeah, you might want to follow me because I'll be doing it again.
SPEAKER_00See, I one time I didn't sass a cop, I actually thought it'd be quite funny on Main Street. It's amazing that this all timed out so well, but we were at a red light and I could see ahead of us that a cop had pulled somebody over, but they were obviously just finishing up. So the cop turns his lights off and is pulling away. And as he's pulling away, again in my headlights, this is a nighttime, I see what I then learned, but knew it was something. It was his ticket book that he had left on the top of his car and it flew off. So as a as a responsible citizen, you started writing tickets. Exactly.
SPEAKER_02I was like, citizens arrest.
SPEAKER_00I I pulled over quickly, I jumped out, and I got and I and I gave him a little flash with the lights, you know, a little bright damn thing. And he must have seen it also fly off. So I pulled over, he pulled up behind me. He went around, he flipped a U actually, and just pulled around behind me. And I just thought I was so clever. He came up to my window and I just said to him, I said, Do you have any idea how fast you're going? He wait, he didn't he didn't see that's the problem. That's funny. That is really funny. I hope when he got into his car he left. He didn't show it.
SPEAKER_01I hope he's got a podcast and he's telling that story. I hope I hope he is because he should be because that's funny. That is really funny. Um the one of the last tickets I got, I'm driving behind a police officer.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01Okay, and so I'm going following him. Sure, fair enough. He pulls over. I just keep going. Sure. He then pulls out and comes and puts his lights on behind me. Jerk move. It is kind of a jerk move. Yeah. So he goes, Do you know how fast you were going? And I said, Do you know how fast you were going? Oh, see, I don't think we should sass the cops, though. Well, I said, because I was just going as fast as you were behind you. Yeah. So whatever you were doing, I was doing it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I got a ticket. Well, I Yeah, yeah. Didn't get out of that one. Listen, I mean, and let I mean, let's be honest. We love the men and women in blue. Yep. They're they're serving us and helping us. Serving and protecting. We're grateful. We do think it's funny when we sass them every once in a while. But in good nature. Yeah. But they probably get too much. That's not good nature.
SPEAKER_01They might at this point they're probably like, uh, I can't. They probably heard it all.
SPEAKER_00He's like, he's like, listen, this one time I was driving down and there's this kid, truck full kids had loadful manure in the back of their truck. Uh two pickup trucks full of manure.
SPEAKER_01Manure. Manure.
SPEAKER_00Manure. I hope our listeners are understanding where that's coming from. Yeah, that's back to the future. All of them. All three of them. All three of them. Yep. You can even see Biff Tannin spitting it out. It'd be like a horse biscuit come right out of his butt. Manure. I hate manure.
SPEAKER_01Thanks again, folks, for listening to another episode of the Small Town Podcast. We're pretty sure we've changed your life for the better. If not, well, we'll try again next time.