Small Towns Podcast
Small Towns Podcast
E15: Medical Maladies. The boys have had a few…
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Welcome, millions, perhaps billions, of faithful podcast listeners. We are your hosts, Jason Kimber and Dave Simmons. We'll bring you along with us as we share life stories from our experiences living in small towns, or in Jason's case, an unincorporated community. That's true. Along with genius suggestions for solving the world's problems and a whole lot of laughs.
SPEAKER_02This is the Small Towns Podcast. Hello again, folks, to the uh Small Towns Podcast. I'm Dave Simmons joined by Jason Kimber, and I got some bad news to start this podcast out, folks. It turns out that our good friend here, Jason Kimber, is just he's falling apart. I mean, there's really no other better way to say it. I'm just gonna just pull the band-aid right off. The is falling apart.
SPEAKER_01I'm falling apart. Listen, buddy, I've said this phrase before, but since I turned 40, and let's be honest, I'm now well into my 40s. You look great. Thank you, I feel great. Actually, I don't feel great. I'm a mess. Well, I'm a mess.
SPEAKER_02The first time you've ever needed to actually say, you know what? You're wrong. I don't feel great.
SPEAKER_01Wrong, I don't feel great. Because, you know, we record these obviously at different times, and a lot of times we'll sit down and we'll crack out a couple of these at a time. But in a couple of days, I'm going in to get my tonsils removed. And you're not even eight years old. No.
SPEAKER_00Turns out you're not an eight-year-old.
SPEAKER_01I'm not an eight-year-old getting my tonsils removed. I'm in my mid-40s and I'm going to get my tonsils removed. And now people may say, Well, actually, why are you doing that? Well, there's a couple of reasons. One, apparently, I have the sleep apnea that my doctor says, and I quote, that we don't see in people unless they're like 400 plus pounds. I'm like, well, we're not 400 plus pounds.
SPEAKER_02We already established you're maybe deuce, deuce and act. Deuce and half close. You know, we're gonna say deuce and half.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Just to feel better. So we're gonna we're gonna go ahead and clean those out. We're gonna get those out of there. And then my doctor says, plus you got a deviated septum. While we're in there. First of all, I don't even I'm not 100% sure what my septum is, and it shouldn't be apparently to have it deviated is not a good idea. You don't want it deviated. She says, Do you remember breaking your nose? And I'm like, Well I do remember breaking my nose as a kid. Really? Well, yeah, so it's kind of fun to kind of go down this memory lane of injuries, but I was probably maybe seven, eight years old. I went with my aunt and uncle, Jeff and Robin. When you live out in the country and they had a cattle ranch at the time, you do something that you'd call salting, if you will. Meaning you take these big blocks of salt. Sounds delicious.
SPEAKER_00So it's not?
SPEAKER_01It's not, I mean, if you're a cow, it's super delicious. Okay. You take these big blocks of salt and mineral blocks, and you place them out on the range where they'll be grazing in the summer. And you do that because, well, I'm not a cannon rancher, but I think the concept is, and I'm open to criticism. It's on the range. You do that so the cows come around, they give it a lick. They're like, hey, look, there's a salt block. I'm gonna give that a lick. Gives them some energy, it gives them a little, it's like it's like the original protein shake for a cow. Can you say that?
SPEAKER_02So they're just yeah, they're at home on the range. With the deer and the antelope. So they have, yeah, they gotta fight over these salt lakes where the deer and the antelope do roam out there.
SPEAKER_01They do roam out there, so they gotta give a little the cows need a little extra, you know, a little pep in their step, if you will.
SPEAKER_02So our job was to go out and do not give out in a discouraging word while you're out there.
SPEAKER_01You don't want to do that. Never a discouraging word. I tell you what though, I had a few discouraging words on this trip because they were nice. They allowed me to go with them because I'd it was fun to go with them. So up in the mounds, we're doing this. This was a rough trip, Dave. This was a rough, rough trip. Took all afternoon, probably took a picnic lunch, I'm guessing. I don't remember any of the fun stuff, although it seemed to be a fun trip. We jump out of it, it was like a little, I think it was like a little, like a little S10 Dotson little truck. All right. I'm just riding in the back. I think Jeff's brother Tom was driving. And so Jeff and Robin and I were in the back. We get at our first stop in this beautiful vistas that we're stopping and looking at, very beautiful. There's never a cloud in the sky out on the range. Oh no, it's beautiful. We jump out, we're looking out, just the scenery. I go walk underneath this tree, I slip, I fall. Right hand, boom, right into a big old mess of prickly pears. Eesh. Yeah. Right hand, completely engulfed in prickly pears. Cactuses, ouch. Ouch. You don't want that. No, it hurts so bad. But I'm tough. I'm like, I don't even remember crying.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you are tough.
SPEAKER_01I'm tough. I'm kind of weepy thinking about it. Yeah, I mean, I just jump in the back of the truck, but I mean, we don't go home because we still have got a lot of salt. We gotta lay out, right? So jump in the back of the truck, kind of picking out the big ones, but there's a lot of tiny ones that are still stuck in my hand, but I'm fine. Lay a couple other salt blocks. We're going around. For some reason, I don't know, maybe a little rabbit skittered along the trail in front. Tom locks up the brakes. I go forward in the back of the truck. Of course, there's no seatbelts in the back, and if there was, I wouldn't be putting one on. This is gonna be insult injury. Oh man, you know how in those little trucks sometimes you got like a little back window that opens up. Yeah. Well, of course it was open so we could talk to Tom. I fall forward, crack my nose right on the kind of the rail of that window. Blood is just gushing. So when my doctor, you know, a couple of months ago says if you ever broke your nose, I'm like, oh. I have. Yeah, I think I have. I bet that's when I broke it. Apparently, deviated the septum. Where does the septum go? I don't know. You've deviated it. I've deviated it, and now I've got to get it correct. The doctor says to me, You're gonna love breathing out of both nostrils. I I always assumed that I had been. Yeah, I think I am. Yeah, I I mean I'm just checking it out real quick. Me too. Feels good, but apparently, like when I do get congested and maybe some allergies flare up, you know, it kind of tightens it up. So I'm gonna get my tonsils out, deviated septum fixed. Hopefully that's gonna help with the sleep apnea. We'll see.
SPEAKER_02You got me worried right now. Sure. Because I've hit all three of my boys in the face with a baseball. Of course you have. You gotta catch it. Yeah. I mean, that is right to you. If you're not gonna put your glove up, that's not on me. Yeah, but I mean, why are you throwing baseballs at the face? That's where you want to hit them, right in the face. Well, you're not trying to- you know what I mean. That's that's the spot, right on your chest face area. That's a good throw, Jason. It is right out of it.
SPEAKER_01We've talked about this. I'm not the athlete in this group. I think we know that.
SPEAKER_02That's not on me. Well, one of them I tossed in the air as a little pop fly, and Griffey got underneath it like he's supposed to, but the glove wasn't quite there, popped him right in the nose. Blood? Probably. It's been a little while. All I know is he's only 15 and he snores. He snores pretty solidly.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So maybe I deviated his septum. I bet mid-40s he's gonna have to get that septum figured out.
SPEAKER_02Let's let him worry about that.
SPEAKER_01That's not your problem. Until he gets off your insurance.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, well, he should have put his glove up. That's not on me. That's on him.
SPEAKER_01But it reminds me, I don't mean to jump in here real quick, but there's a little bit of a difference because you're a grown man throwing to your boy. How old was Griff at the time? Probably seven or eight. But you remember how you taught me, this is a previous podcast, but you remember how you actually, you taught me how to throw a baseball. Yeah. Which I'm grateful for. Yeah, well, uh, we weren't going for we were going for distance with you. Forget about catching, that's like lesson 2.0. We're gonna worry about that later. When Heather and I first got married, um I joined the Swenson family, and when I joined the Swenson family, I inherited this great nephew named Ian. Now, Ian is a fantastic kid. He's actually a student at University of Kansas, the uh Jayhawks. Yes, Jayhawks. Yeah, thanks. Great student, University of Kansas. He's a terrific athlete. He was 11 years old at the time of this story. We're having a catch out in grandma-grandpa's backyard. So I do not have a mitt, which I probably should. This 11-year-old kid, and now I can't emphasize enough, this kid's an athlete, and he was born an athlete. But he throws me a stinger. Can I say that? I don't know. You could say it. Don't make no sense. No, it doesn't make any sense at all. Fastball. There you go. I don't know. That'll work. There was some heat coming. Yeah. Caught it with my left hand with no mit and I didn't catch it well. I tell you what, that kid dang near busted my ring finger. All I know is I couldn't take my ring off for the next six months.
SPEAKER_0211-year-old kid. Why were you trying to catch a baseball with your bare hand like that? Because he threw it at me. There you go. And we were having to catch it, but I didn't have a mitt. Yeah, you probably should have had a glove. Yeah. It's on me, I guess. Yeah, that's again.
SPEAKER_01If you told him to throw it to you, then it's on you. It is on me. I didn't think that that 11-year-old kid, like he should have realized he should have took one look at me. He should have sized me up and said, there's not a chance he's catching this. First of all, because I was asking him. He should have rolled it to you.
SPEAKER_02You know what? Or just wear a bat it out there and hand put it hand it over.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because I'm not taking anything away from you because when I did come to you and ask you to teach me to throw a baseball, that was genuine. I actually did ask him first, but Ian's like 21, you know, it was 10 years ago. And he did teach me. I mean, he says, Jason, just it's like putting on a seatbelt. You gotta follow through. Just follow through. Follow through. So I mean, he gave me a little bit of some of the bass, and he really kind of took me to the next level. Tried to bring it home. Yeah. He busted my finger, taught me how to throw a ball.
SPEAKER_02Have you broken other bones in your body?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I have actually. Um I have broken a few bones. My dad had a phrase that will always stick in my mind because I was very accident prone as a child. Surprise, surprise. Not super athletic. Okay. I would fall, twist an ankle, sprain a wrist, something along those lines. I'd be like, Dad, dad, I think it broke my arm. And he'd look at it and he'd be like, Well, yeah, it's pretty swollen. And then he'd say to me, and he'd say it to all, he'd say it to my brother, he'd say it to my sister, he'd be like, We'll see how it looks in the morning. Mind you, it's a 70-mile trip to the hospital. Well, yeah, that's probably the problem. And you can't just run to the hospital every single time you get a you know, a little tiny sprain. Right. Right? Sometimes you gotta just kind of see this through. Well, I do remember one time, I hope I haven't told the story before. My kids sometimes tell me that I tell the story. Jumping on my pogo stick that I got for Christmas, and I thought, I am mastering this pogo stick. The only thing that would be cooler is if I had a higher if I were to jump off of something. Yeah. So my porch seemed to be the logical next step. I jumped up on top of the porch, jumped off of the porch on my pogo stick, didn't finish that jump as well as I wanted to. I remember hearing in my mind, can hear it to this day, kind of the snap of the bone. Oh. The snap of the bone. Now we're not talking compound fracture here, Dave. But my right leg gave out. Yeah, it gave out. It snapped. I heard it, I felt it, it was horrible. At this point, I wasn't even walking to my dad to say, I don't think I sprained my leg. I was balling. Dragging yourself arm over army army crawl into the old house. But my dad, again, true form, again, most of the time this phrase worked in his favor, and he said to me, He's like, Well, well, we'll see how it looks in the morning. And it looked good the next morning, I'm gonna tell you, didn't it look good at all? Yeah. I busted that leg, and the next morning I did get a cast on it.
SPEAKER_02Pogo sticks are dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. You ever break anything? That pinky was probably broken from the city. It looks broke from here. This was kind of I do wish we had maybe a YouTube channel there. That's a little buggled. Yeah. But that was just a crack. I chipped a couple teeth. Oh, ouch. You speak of a bo yeah, that does hurt more than you would think.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You you talk about a pogo stick. Do you remember the old pogo ball? Looked like the uh planet Saturn.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like you'd stand on it and the ball. Yeah, totally.
SPEAKER_02So I'm just hopping around on a pogo ball and I'd think, well, I'm gonna And again, why anybody would even think this obviously tells you that you're not, well, smart, first of all, but secondly, you've got to be pretty young. I'm like, I'm gonna do a uh a somersault. Somehow I'm gonna go with a pogo ball between my feet. It seems genius to me. Well, somehow the rings of Saturn there on that pogo ball popped me in the mouth and I chipped a tooth doing that.
SPEAKER_01Did you land the jump?
SPEAKER_02It's not even a jump. I mean, a somersault, you're on the ground. I still don't know what I was I don't know why that was. That's a dumb move. I'm not sure it's not second place to the other way I chipped a tooth.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02One day, I'm decided I'm gonna pretend like I'm blind. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay, so I got my eyes closed. This is not gonna end well. So my eyes are closed and I got my hands out in front of me, you know, like a mummy would walk around, you know. Yeah. But I'm trying to feel things along the way. Well, I'm walking in the kitchen, and you remember the refrigerators where the bottom half would open, and then the top half is the freezer, and it would open. Sure. Well, the freezer was open, okay, and the bridge part was not. So I'm walking and I'm small enough where my hands are out in front of me, they go underneath the freezer. Ouch. But my face is tall enough where it goes right into the open door freezer. Pop my mouth on the open door freezer, chip my tooth. That's another dental appointment. My parents have got to be watching this going, what are you doing? Like, is somebody gonna stop him, right? Their fault. Somebody should be stopping me.
SPEAKER_01That's on my hands.
SPEAKER_02I'd like to blame anyone else in the home that day. But you besides me. You. Yeah. So those are the extent of really my and I've played a lot of sports in my life, but I have like ankles that I could sprain in a swimming pool. Right. That means they're just weak at this point. I can be walking around mowing a lawn and just tweak them. My ankles are not good. In fact, there is a time, real quick, yeah, there's a time I had a pretty bad sprained ankle, and I was just getting to the point where I could, I wasn't in a full-out run on it yet, but I was hobbling and kind of running enough. And I was supposed to be playing in a baseball game, and but I wasn't quite ready. But my friends peer pressured me into going to play. They're like, no, you you're fine, you can come. So I'm like, fine. So I hit a ball and I've got to try to wheel this thing out to first base. I am hobbling and I'm running as hard as I can, but on definitely on a limp. And when I hit that first base, I want to make sure I hit it with the other foot so that I don't re-injure this sprained ankle. I hit it with the other foot and sprained that ankle. Now I got two sprained ankles. How do you limp on two sprained ankles? I get I just see you like your arm falling.
SPEAKER_01I'll make it coach, I'll make it.
SPEAKER_02I'm not got to be done. These ankles now I if I do anything, I probably need to wear ankle braces.
SPEAKER_01All of a sudden, I'm just picturing you like you're kind of like forced gump, and that green gets a big old thing. Run, Dave, run. As you run faster, the braces just fly off.
SPEAKER_02It'd be kind of a beautiful moment. Yeah, that's me. But as we get older, injuries as much now as just issues with the old body breaking down. Like you're going through.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, because then all of a sudden the injuries start ending with that like itis.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_01Like you don't want that. Yeah, like appendicitis. Arthritis.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, appendicitis. Do you have an appendicitis? Well, you know, fair question. Like, you don't look like you've had an appendicitis. I don't know what it looks like when people have an appendicitis.
SPEAKER_01I'll tell you what it looks like when people have an appendicitis. Like, I have not, spoiler alert, I have not had appendicitis. I still have my appendix is still intact. This is what we might call a phantom disease. A phantom episode. I don't know what the word is. Heather and I are just coming up on our 17th anniversary this May. Happy anniversary, thank you. Thanks, May. This May, it's gonna be a big one. I'm excited about it. Um, isn't that big, just so you know. Isn't there should be like a medal maybe like silver or gold?
SPEAKER_02I think it's just 17.
SPEAKER_01Maybe like pewter. I think it's pewter. I think it's pewter. It should be, anyways. We got married in May, and then we actually um we went on our honeymoon to Cancun. I've told the story a lot. She doesn't love it when I tell it. I've heard it, and I think it's a great story. Yeah, I think it's a great story. So we got engaged in February, February 14th. That's such a romantic. Yes, we were. Well, actually, we'd known each other for a little while, but we started dating in October. It was fast. Started dating in October, engaged in February, married in May. We really kind of missed the whole swimsuit season, if you will.
SPEAKER_02For better or for worse.
SPEAKER_01For better or for worse. For me, for better, because I don't want to see any of this. Again, I've been rocking the dad bod since uh mid-teens. Mid-teens. So we are in Cancun. We are sunning by the pool, which my fair-skinned, beautiful wife, when she suns by the pool, she's lathered up in SPF 150. When she's like covered from you know, angle. 150, yeah. That's like that's like a suit of armor. Exactly, under the shade of a tree. Okay. She gets a kiss of that sun and she's burned just like that. But she's redheaded. I'm the same way. I know, and we love you, gingers, we do. We do. You burn, you peel, you start over. Exactly. It's like shed your skin. Yeah. But I'm feeling confident, you know. So I just, you know, we're out there by the pool. I'm sitting there in my shorts, feeling all cool and stuff. And she is lying on my left. She takes her cute little pinky finger. She reaches over to my side. Again, she is on my left. Okay. And she reaches with her little pinkie finger and she kind of scratches my my left. Well, it's called what it is, my left handle. Love handle. You look great. Thank you. I feel great. She says, she's like, oh. I didn't realize you had your appendix out. Now I'm not gonna judge her because she didn't study anatomy. Okay. I was gonna say. She's she's marketing, you know what I mean? She's marked, she's graphic design. Yeah, not marked, she's graphic design. But I'm like, oh, I said, yeah, first of all, the appendix is over on this other side. And that is not an appendix scar. That's a fat stretch mark. I said, in fact, I got a couple of them. I got some over on this side, I got a couple over on this side. It's more of an exploratory surgery. No matter, no matter. Let's just check over on the right. Tell that story every chance again. I love it, she hates it, but she's sweet, and so she smiles. She probably just had never had an appendix out and hasn't. But the good thing is, is if I ever do need to have my appendix out, they're gonna know exactly where to cut. I'll show you where. I have a scar right here. You do.
SPEAKER_02Oh, you do.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, isn't that adorable?
SPEAKER_02It is adorable, and that looks very similar. Oh, you gotta mark it. How do you get yours out? When how old were you? It was on our first anniversary, to which mean I would have been 22. Okay. 22. And I just hadn't been feeling great. And finally something happened where it pushed me over the edge. I'm like, we gotta, I probably gotta go to the hospital here. Sure. So we start heading up to the hospital. We ran into some good friends of ours, and that pain, that appendicitis pain ebbs and flows a little. Like it'll be painful, and then it kind of goes away for a bit and then it comes back.
SPEAKER_01So because I wouldn't know anything about that, because the pain in my appendicitis was more my heart.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it was more heartache. It was more heartache I would know about the real pain. So but ebbs and flows. And in fact, yours was probably a lot more if you got stretch marks down there, probably enjoyed most of the ride because of the. Every double cheese was delicious. So we're driving up to the hospital and we happen to run across paths with some friends of ours. Okay. And we pull over and we're visiting with them, and at this point I'm feeling okay. They're like, Where are you going? Well, hospital. I don't I've kind of had some stomach problems. They're like, oh, that stinks. Where are you guys going? Well, I'll just go back to our apartment. I'm like, well, we'll come with you. Okay.
SPEAKER_01So you're waiting. I just gotta read. So you're on the way to the hospital because you were having some stomach pains, but you're into some friends and like, we're in the house. You're like, well, I can't be missing out on something. I can't miss out, and I feel fine now, so let's go to your house. Yes. We went to their apartment. Seems reasonable.
SPEAKER_02Seems reasonable. Now, this is before like WebMD or the ability to go online and try to diagnose maybe what you're going through.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_02So we're just sitting there and I think they mixed up some Lipton rice or something. I remember eating rice in this whole process, and our good friend Lori, she pulls out the book, medical book, and she's gonna diagnose me. It's like, choose your own adventure for this malady you're just going through. Is that the word? I yeah, I think so, for sure. Malady, yeah. Okay, so she goes, the questions were like, Do you have stomach pain? Yes. Turn to page 75. Do you have this? Do you have that? So she gets down the road and it gets to the very end and it says, You have stomach cancer. Now, you don't want to hear that. You don't want to hear that.
SPEAKER_01Like, in particular, can I finish my rice first?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I'd really like to knock this rice down real quick. But we at that point we're like, Yeah, maybe we should go to the hospital. So we go to the hospital and they start poking and prodding, and at that point, the pain had really subsided right in the appendix area, and he pushed on it and then released, and it was like, oh yeah, that hurts. And within the next couple of minutes, I was under the knife. Really? Yeah, it was and you know what else was crazy about that whole thing? Once the operation was done and the healing process began, I had stitches in there. It wasn't healing correctly. They popped the stitches out, the skin had started to heal over, and he you know those blunt scissors that don't have a point on them, but they kind of he didn't even tell me this was gonna happen. He just stuck that in there, reopened the wound, and I'm like, ah Were you at the vet? Yes, maybe I was. Maybe I was. First district prison. I don't know what it was. So he opened that thing up, shoved some gauze pad in it, and then said, We're just gonna let this heal from the inside out. See you later. That's it. That's it. Yeah, so I just kidd walked around with gauze hanging out of my stomach. No, I would wear a shirt for the most part.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_02When I'd walk around. But I remember playing a basketball game with taped gauze in there. Oh, sick. Yeah, it's not good.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well listen, I think I'm most gonna go ahead and hold on to my appendix then. As long as you can. I mean, I don't even know what it does. Nobody does. Yeah. There's other maladies if you is that the word we're using. Well, we've decided. Medical maladies. Medical maladies. Yeah. Like my ankle was hurting the other day. My shoulder was hurting a little while ago. Apparently it's bursitis. I don't even know what that is. I think it's the inflamed bursa, which I don't know what a bursa is either. Hey, malady, a disease or ailment. Well, that's what we're talking about. Maladies like crazy. Yeah, I've got an inflamed bursa, so I gotta get this big old long shot on my shoulder. I tell you what though, like nothing makes you feel older when you go to the doctor. I got a bad toe. He says you got gout. The gout. Oh, the I like to call it the gout. The gout.
SPEAKER_02I got the gout in my toe. Hand, foot, and mouth disease. I feel like I like to. Half the enjoyment of diseases is the name of them. Yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_01Hand foot and mouth, the gout. The gout. I don't think you'd get hand, foot, and mouth though, unless you're like, is that just like a coward? It's a cow disease. Are you sure? Oh no, that's true. No, I take that back. Oh, sorry for anybody who's had hand foot and mouth disease. All the doctors out there. I'm sure we have tons of doctors listening to this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They'll have another fact check. No, I've heard like kids get it, right? Like you get like hand foot and mouth.
SPEAKER_02I don't even know what it is. All I know is it's a super fun name for a lot of things. It's probably a reason why. Pops right up. Hand foot and mouth disease. I've never had it. I hope I don't have a chance to do that. Common children's virus causing sores in the mouth, a rash on the hands and feet. The condition is spread by direct contact with saliva or mucus. Oh sick. Well. I didn't mean to, you know. That's a thing.
SPEAKER_01Indicate that was a bovine type of disease. No. Hand foot and mouth disease. Hand foot and mouth.
SPEAKER_02Usually children.
SPEAKER_01Well, I get the so I get the gout one time. The gout. And I'm like, who am I? Benjamin Franklin? That's the only person I've ever known who's had the gout. I think more people have had it than you realize. I know. And I've learned that as you get these maladies and you start talking about it, all of a sudden. It kind of opens up this whole new world. Like, oh, you've got the gout. I've had the gout. My great aunt, blah, blah, blah. She had the gout. The shingles. My brother-in-law's got the shingles right now.
SPEAKER_02Apparently, they're super painful.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I don't want them. The only shingles I want are on my house.
SPEAKER_02That's right. And then they blow off in the wind.
SPEAKER_01Well, I went to the doctor for the gout. I didn't know it was the gout at the time. And he says, Oh, yeah, that's it. You got the gout. And at the time I was actually in my 30s, like early 30s. I'm like, Doc, how am I getting the gout? He's like, Oh, it just happens got some crystals there in your toe. I'm like, crystals? I don't like the sound of that. No. He grabs my toe and he pulls it. He pulls my big toe, and then he's like all yanking it all around, and it's like, oh, that doesn't hurt at all. He's like, yeah, that's the gout. He says, Jason, I can give you a prescription, and in a couple of weeks, you're gonna feel just fine. He says, or That sounded like a pretty good option right there. Sounds like a good option. He says, but it's gonna take a couple of weeks, but in two weeks you'll feel fine. He says, or I can give you a shot. Now, spoiler alert, that was a little bit of a misnomer, a little bit of a mislead. He says, I can give you, and I quote, a shot. Obviously it's gonna be in my toe, that will make you feel better right now, just like that, and you'll walk out of here a new man. And I said, Oh. I said, It makes me think that that shot's not a pleasant shot. He says, It's not pleasant. I said, How unpleasant? Because I don't really like pain. He says, Well, it's not horrible, he says, but you're not gonna look me up later tonight and give me a hug, because it's it's not great either. I said, Let's do the shot. So he gets prepped for it, grabs my toe. And this was where the mislead comes in, Dave. He gives me the shot, he pokes that needle into my joint of my big toe knuckle, and then he's like digging that needle around. There's no needle out and he pokes it in over here and he pulls it out and he pokes it. So it was like shot. Several shots. That's not a shot. That's not a shot, it's several shots. To his credit, though, I did walk out of there, new man, and I've never had any. I mean, knock on some wood, I've never had any problem with the gal in my big toe again. But now you've got Bersidus in that foot, and I don't know what's going on.
SPEAKER_02Maybe another three or four shots. I'm sorry. That's what happens. Yeah, I'm a mess. You know what also you say that you once you mention it to somebody, you find out so many other people have gone through it. Yeah. You ever had a kidney stone? Uh I have, and it's the worst thing in the world. Have you had more than one? Yeah, I have. Well, I've heard this is probably all just word on the streets, but if you've had one, if you don't have another one for like, I don't know, I want to say 18 months or something like that, then you probably won't have another one. Oh. I don't know if that's really actually the case, but I did have one, and oh my goodness. If you've never had one, pray that you never do. That and on the first one, you don't know what it is. No, you think you're just dying. I thought I was dying. I I did too. I thought, well, I gotta say my goodbyes. Yeah, I had a good run. Yeah, I had a pretty good run. Had a good run. 22 years when I got my first one. Really? Yeah. I had to have been upper 30s. Okay. Maybe close to 40, but had that one, and I was literally walking the neighborhood at 2 a.m. just to try to subside that pain. I remember laying in the fetal position on the floor in my bedroom, and that's where I thought, well, you're dying.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's it. Yeah, you're done.
SPEAKER_02Thanks for the run. So the next day I drove myself to the doctor. Apparently they didn't open when I thought they would open. And so I had to wait about a half hour, and I'm just walking around this clinic thinking, somebody opened the doors. Please. Finally, I get in there, and you know how they put you in the room, and then the doctor still doesn't come in. I'm pacing this room back and forth. He walks in and just looks at me pacing, he goes, I'm like a lion. You know, cage lying in there. And he goes, Well, we probably better uh get you a shot of morphine or something. I'm like, Yeah, something. Do something. A little something. Yeah, that's uh kidney stone is not you don't want to mess around with those.
SPEAKER_01I went to the emergency room the first time I had one. I had no idea what it was.
SPEAKER_02Well, you don't know what it is. You think, well, it's over.
SPEAKER_01My friend took me to the emergency room. It's in the middle of the night. We're at a red light, but she's obeying the law, and I kind of snapped at her. I'm like, just run the light because like I'm dying. I'm in the Logan emergency room. I'm hanging on the counter, and a doctor walks by hanging on the counter. I'm hanging on it like I'm hanging on it because I got a little felt like a little relief, you know? Oh yeah. Doctor walks by. That doctor says, That young man looks like he's got a kidney stone. I'm like, oh well, I don't know what that is, but if that's the case, I do not want it.
SPEAKER_02Those are not fun. See, this is why this podcast is great. We're helping people to understand what the ailments they're gonna have. We are doing these in advance for our listeners.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You're gonna you have a brusitis now. Yes. Is that what it's called again? Brusitis, yeah. So you inflamed bursa. Your bursa looks great. Thank you. I didn't really know. It doesn't look inflamed. No, it looks really, really cute.
SPEAKER_01I'll work out.
SPEAKER_02But so you so now we can teach other people what the pains are that they're going through. Yes. If you think you're dying, you probably have a kidney stone.
SPEAKER_01Probably just a kidney stone. Yeah. Sometimes they compare it to like childbirth, and I'm like, I doubt it. I like the kidney stone, that's way worse.
SPEAKER_02I was gonna say that I'm pretty sure. They usually give you some sort of epidural. I have no epidural. Pass this thing naturally. We gotta get to name them. Old Sharpie. That's the name of ours. Yeah, I don't know. These things we're having to deal with the older we get, it's it's no good. It's not pleasant, but I'm hoping. But we look great. I'm feeling better. You're gonna feel really bad here in the next couple of days. I know, I know. They say tonsils, the older you get, to have those out. What I'm trying to do for you is say this is gonna be the worst thing of your life. And then maybe it's not quite. Yeah. And you'll be that wasn't as bad as Dave said it was gonna be. Dave basically made me feel like that I was Well, I'm trying to do the same thing.
SPEAKER_01In fact, I tried to make a little joke about it the other day because we're still in the world of uh COVID 19. Sure. So it might be 20 now. It could be. I would I had to go get a COVID test before the surgery just yesterday, day before. I went in there to get it, and for some reason they had to do a couple different tests, and one of which they had to swab my tonsils. It's not pleasant. They gotta be back there. Yeah, so I was like, Would you get that one? And she's like, I'm sorry, the nurse was so cute and so sweet. She's like, I'm sorry, and I'm like, that's okay, come Monday, you could just do that with those in your hands. She's like, What? That's what I'm here for. You know, on Monday we're gonna rip those suckers out, and she's like, Oh, so don't think she appreciates it.
SPEAKER_02So you they're gonna take out your tonsils, re-deviate, restrain it, restrain it.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. If you've got a deviant of deviate, like if you deviate from the course, you're going off course, right? Yeah, exactly. So maybe my septum is gonna get back in line.
SPEAKER_02Maybe. Yeah, that seemed right. You're gonna align your septum.
SPEAKER_01Yes. In the same moment. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to breathe very well Monday night. Because I'm gonna have like, yeah, it's gonna be a mess. I think I'm gonna be better because of it.
SPEAKER_02Well, I hope so. I hope that all when it's all said and done, you feel like a hundred bucks. It's probably gonna cost a little more than that. Yeah, it is, brother. Yeah, it is. Well, I think that you're gonna get right through this. Yeah, thanks. Are you looking forward to the ice cream? Because that's when little kids get their tonsils out. That's all you tell them is, hey, you're gonna get to eat lots of ice cream and lots of psicicles.
SPEAKER_01Bring me a popsicle, buddy. I'll bring you a popsicle, buddy. What kind's your favorite? Uh actually, I'm gonna take that back on a popsicle. I'm gonna do a little shout out to this kid in our neighborhood. His name is Daniel, makes his own ice cream.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, I've had some of that.
SPEAKER_01That's so good. That's a good job. Yeah, he does. He makes his chocolate pomegranate stuff. Oh. You wouldn't think that that would be a combination. That's like the old peanut butter and ketchup thing.
SPEAKER_02Good. Hey. It's so good. I'm gonna believe you. Well, I'll get you whatever you want. Nice and cool sensation in the old throat. That's friendship right now. That probably won't come the next day because I think you're gonna be in a lot of pomegranate. I'm gonna be a mess.
SPEAKER_01Well, stay healthy, guys. Stay healthy out there. And if you need to get those tonsils out, if you need to get that septum back where it needs to be, it's straightened right out. Straighten right out.
SPEAKER_02We don't want the deviated ones. Thanks, guys. Thanks again, folks, for listening to another episode of the Small Towns podcast. We're pretty sure we've changed your life for the better. If not, well, we'll try again next time.