SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome, millions, perhaps billions, of faithful podcast listeners. We are your hosts, Jason Kimber and Dave Simmons. We'll bring you along with us as we share life stories from our experiences living in small towns, or in Jason's case, an unincorporated community. That's true. Along with genius suggestions for solving the world's problems and a whole lot of laughs. This is the Small Towns Podcast. Alright, well, we are back, episode two. Dave, can you believe we're two episodes into this?

SPEAKER_01 0:30

We're gonna get right into the heart of some of this stuff. You and I basically gave a little bit of introduction about ourselves again. I'm Dave Simmons, joined by my good buddy Jason Kimber. So we're not gonna get into too much about our history.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Yeah, I think we'll kind of just pepper that in as we uh go, but um, there's a lot going on in our lives right now.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Well, there sure is. We've kind of both taken a real change in life living situations.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Yeah, it's like Mother May I take one large giant step forward. Boom.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Yeah. Uh both of us have recently become dog owners. I don't know about you, Jason, but I grew up in a home with no pets. Although I do have some kind of funny things I've read back in the day where my, you know, we'd have questionnaires as a little kid and you'd write down, What's your favorite color? Blue. And you know, one of them says, Do you have a pet? And mine has written on there, No, but I have two sisters.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

I'm sure Amy and Heidi appreciate that little shout out there.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

So, I mean, the the extent that we had of having a pet in my home growing up, my parent brought home a dog one time. You know, right now you think, oh, that's so nice. Yeah. We were scared to death of that dog. In my head, I have it as this mangy, mean thing. My mom and dad to this day will claim that it was a cute little dog, but the thing was latched in our backyard, and none of us dared go out and play with it. We were too scared of it. So it lasted a day.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

In my mind, I'm picturing like a huge like St. Bernard's dane that's like twice your size.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

In my head, it was tramp from Lady in the Tramp. It was kind of mangy and it was a scary dog. Just looking for trouble. Yeah, just looking for trouble. And he was gonna rip your arm off if you went out there. So you stayed away from it.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Yeah, fair enough, I would too.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

But yeah, recently Jason and I both have gotten pets for our homes. And Jason, anybody that knows me, when they heard I had a dog, it was a shock to him. That was not, in my mind, something I was ever gonna do. But even more than that, I never thought that you guys would get a dog.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

No, not in a million years. I mean, Heather's allergic to them. She's allergic to everything, and and those people who know us well, it probably wasn't the best time to get a dog because we've got a pandemic going on.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Yeah, dang that pandemic.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Exactly. Crazy, you know, wildfires and floods and all that type of stuff. So the fact that the Kimbers, mainly Heather, got a dog, it's like the end of the world. I mean, has anybody checked the temperature in hell lately? Oh, it's it's warm. You you you you you check again, it's frozen over.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

I will say this. Our dog's name is Albus. Albus Dumbledog. He is he is the greatest little dude. People say that people are weird that have dogs. Well, you are once you get a dog. I'm telling you, that dog loves me more than any of the kids love me. I'm sure of it.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

Oh, I have no doubt. I mean, and there's nothing better than coming home, and your dog is just so excited to see you. So our dog, Dave, I got a question for you because our dog's Max.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

And I love him. But our dog is Max. I mean, just Max. So when you there's other Maxes out there, you've got to be Max Kimber. Well, I mean, maybe, but Albus Dumbledog, so it's like a full-that's his middle name, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Oh. Max Dumbledog. Max Dumbledog Simmons. Okay. You gotta have a first and last name with a dog because there's other Maxes out there.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

Well, that's I mean that's true. I've never thought of it, but listen, I'm not gonna judge you. If you want to have Albus Dumbledog Simmons, that's fine. Yeah, well, I mean, the first of many.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

True, but unfortunately, Albus, when people talk about Albus and and my family, they're not thinking of the headmaster. They're thinking of the dog. Sure, fair enough. You know, and so if somebody says Max when they're talking to you, we know it's Max Kimber. But what if you what if somebody else is telling a story about Max? You better say Kimber so they know it's oh, that's Jason's dog, Max Kimber. Look, I'm telling you, Jason, my neighborhood growing up, there were dogs everywhere. And I was scared to death of all of them. Especially Chuck Singleton. Chuck Singleton, now he looked like the dogs in where the word Red Fern Girls.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

So I'm sorry, I just need to clarify. So Chuck Singleton is a dog.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

It's a dog. Yeah, fair enough. And if I said Chuck Singleton to anybody in my neighborhood growing up, they would know Chuck Singleton's a dog. Big brown. And that dog usually was in their backyard, but he'd get out. And when Chuck Singleton was out, we were in. Chuck Singleton was in our garage, and it was a and I'm getting out of there. Close the door, phone calls ring. Hey, Chuck Singleton is out. We're all gonna be in for a little while. Don't call me, I can't come over. Chuck Singleton's out.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

I see that you've kind of got like this like a like a call trip. Yeah, it is. It's like Dave calls Dave Webb.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Dave calls Webb, Webb calls Styles. I mean, you just go on, and although Styles had Bridget Styles, and Bridget was a much nicer, I think it was a big, a big golden retriever, if I'm not mistaken. Secretly, I was kind of scared of Bridget too. Fair enough. Well, secret's out. Dave Webb had Maggie Webb, and that dog scared me for the first little while as well. And Maggie was a cocker spaniel, maybe? Little. I mean, little. Still scared me. I I was not a dog guy. I did babysit Nikki Brenchley when they went on on uh vacations.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Um I gotta know what kind of- do you know what kind of dog Nikki Branchley is?

SPEAKER_01 5:14

Yeah, she was a cockapoo. Oh cute little thing.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Were you scared of her?

SPEAKER_01 5:18

She barked a lot, but I wasn't scared of her. I I mean I I I was getting old enough, probably 12, 13, where I was okay with Nikki Branchley. But there were some other big dogs in the neighborhood. I remember one night, first of all, my sisters and I, until the basement was finished, we shared a bedroom. And I could have only been, I want to say, five or six, so Heidi would have been, you know, three or four, and Amy would have been seven or eight. We're sitting in in this bedroom, and my parents used to make us go to bed at 7 p.m. It was like every night. It was right outside in the summertime.

SPEAKER_00 5:45

I remember laying there thinking, my friends, I hear. But we were in bed. Were you horrible kids? I mean, because Mark and Jan seemed like reasoning.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Yeah, I was a model child. Just keep wondering why my kids aren't more like I was. But my parents, you know, at the time you're thinking, this seems like some sort of abuse. But now, as a father, I'm like, they were genius. No, they yeah, that's a good point. Why do you not want your kids just kind of out of the way at about seven? Yeah. So mom and dad can throw some cars or something.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Yeah, or lock the bedroom door out of the style how it works.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

So we're sitting in our bedroom and we're looking out this big window, and Heidi goes, so we're looking across the way at Panda Tidwell. Panda Tidwell in a cage, and Panda was a sheep dog. I mean, big, pretty good sized dog. Yeah. Panda is just in milling around in the cage and catches our eye because he, she, I don't know if Panda's a boy or girl, but he's wandering around in the thing, and and Heidi goes, Can Panda get out? And Amy and I are like, No. Panda can never get out. And I swear to you, Jason. Panda at that moment goes up on his hind, here, her, his hind legs, and pushes the gate, and off Panda goes into the night. Really? Yeah. Loose. Gone. Wild. Well, good thing we were in.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

They could have thinking that your parents had you in bed at 7 p.m.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

Yeah, because Panda was out and wander in the streets.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Panda's out. Simmons kids in.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

In. I don't know what it was about dogs in my neighborhood trying to escape. Newbie Toon tried to escape. And for Newbie, well, this is I don't know if this is true. I think it's true, but Newbie tried to jump the fence and what do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 7:11

Oh didn't he make it? No.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

Newbie Toon's in Doggy Heaven because of the attempted escape from Toon Alcatraz, apparently.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

I don't want to sound heartless. I don't want P to calling me, but it might be on Newbie.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Just couldn't quite get high enough.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

Exactly. Jump a little higher.

SPEAKER_01 7:25

I mean, yeah, at a certain point. Come on, Newbie. You're gonna have like my son just recently, how do you think I can throw a rock over our fence? There's a huge hole in my fence right now. Because Ollie thought he could throw the rock over the fence. Buddy, you don't have that kind of arm yet.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

And don't throw a rock that's five pounds. You can't throw that far. Uh listen, I don't mean to interrupt you with a tangent because I want to keep getting back to these animals, but there's gonna be a whole podcast dedicated to sports. And, you know, there's not a chance I could throw a rock over a fence even now. Well, I actually could, Dave Coach. We can figure that out.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

We can figure that out. Jason, did you grow up with a pet?

SPEAKER_00 7:57

I did, actually. And it's so interesting, before I jump into a pet story, you have kind of actually opened my eyes to this concept of pets having last names. Because again, Grouse Creek's not a big place. You know, I mean, I knew whose dog was whose. And for sure, I'm with you. Like um Chuck Singleton, to kind of follow your lead, Dave, if Chuck Singleton was out, you were in. Right. Well, if I was walking down in front of uh Patch's omens place, yeah. It was either Patches or Patch. I'm gonna have to ask you.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Yeah, they had two Patches. Hard to walk around with two patches, though.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

He had a little cane. Yeah, I was gonna do it. I think it was Patches. So if Patch's omen was out, I mean it would just tell you what. I mean, I think she was probably like a lovely dog. She was kind of a small dog. Um I love the omens. I mean, I've never met an omen I didn't like, but Patches. Was he big? No, he was just he was kind of like a I don't really know my dog reads that well. Uh I'm gonna say a medium dog. Okay. Small to medium, okay, but ferocious.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Cotton butters would come after you. Cotton butters would come after you on your bike, and cotton was this tiny little cotton ball.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

But ferocious.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

But ferocious, like if I'm riding my bike in front of Patches Omen place, you better go fast. Oh, real fast, because he was real fast as well. He just kind of nippy at the at the heel. So I was scared of patches, but I did have, you know, I had a lot of animals. Uh you would think growing up in a place like Grousewick that I would just be kind of like a, you know, menagerie, if you will. Just animals, like if I could whistle like maybe like a bird, it's kind of like snow white would land on my shoulder or something like that.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Well, it's how I picture you, by the way. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

I mean, particularly from the side. Um, but my mom just absolutely she had a zero tolerance policy, no animals in the house whatsoever. I mean, we had dogs outside, we had cats outside, occasionally had a chicken or two.

SPEAKER_01 9:39

Um you say occasionally had a chicken, is it come dinner time and you only had one instead of two?

SPEAKER_00 9:45

So that a bad point, but I mean chickens we never put them in a cage, it just ran loose. Cage free farm fresh. We were ahead of our time, and our chickens were like promiscuous, going from hen house to hen house. Dirty little chickens. I'll tell you what, I digress. But it is important. I mean, as soon as you started talking about Chuck Singleton and Nikki Branchley, I I started thinking of you know my animals. Mom said no animals in the house, so my job, of course, would be to sneak those animals in as often as I can.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

I remember one time I snuck in our big old black lab, given name, Christian given name of Cinders. Uh Cinders Kimber. Cinders Kimber. It's gonna be so weird, I'm still getting used to that. But we nicknamed her Eldon, my uncle, of course. We talked to him last time, and he nicknamed Cinders Killer, because she was just, I mean, it was very ironic, but just a big, lovable lab. It wasn't a killer. No, it was not a killer. I mean, she was just oh Cinders Kinder Cinders Killer Kimber. Yeah, that's amazing. It doesn't really roll, yeah. It doesn't. I mean, so a lot of times I'm just gonna refer to her as Cinders. Go ahead. Yeah, thank you. Cinders was just a gem. I snuck her in the house one time, and I just a little guy, big dog, right during dinner, and I tell you what, Cinders got a whiff of that. I don't know, whatever delicious, delectable leg of ham. Yeah, oh god. Leg of lamb. She bolted for the kitchen. Oh man, and and mom was not pleased with me, but that's the end of that story. But one time I would always be sneaking cats in. I love them. There's nothing better. Dave, picture this, if you will, with me. Saturday morning, you're watching the cartoons. Richie Rich? That was on NBC, we didn't get channel two. So we were we were uh at the time, we were little. Smurf family, it's pretty much it. Yeah. You don't get the Smurfs. That's what we could watch. Got it. Bugs Bunny, I was a big fan, and so I'd always like sneak a little kitten in. Nothing better than watching a Saturday morning cartoons and nothing but your underoos covered in a blanket with a kitty. What kind of underoos? Uh it was just tidy whiteys. I mean, there wasn't so there weren't real underoos? What'd you do? Draw an S on your t-shirt, call yourself Superman. Well, listen, uh you did what you had to do.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

Well, in Grass Creek, you make your own underoos.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

You do. You do.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

So that is low class.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

Well, you speak for yourself, you get the animal.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

I was Green Lantern, and and if you look close, I think it's my first or second grade school pitcher. There's a definite green t-shirt under my snap-up cowboy-looking shirt. Green lantern underneath the clothes. Just waiting to just bust the shirt. Oh, yeah, you never know. Bust out. Well, the buttons, you pull those off. Next thing you know, you're Green Lantern.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

I mean, I'm sure my pants were pull away right to my Green Lantern underpants.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

It was like a third grade girl in distress. I saved her. Go back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So you're so you're cuddling a cat. I'm cuddling the cat. I'm always sneaking cats in the house. Well, late one night, obviously it wasn't a Saturday. Late one night, I am in bed. I shared a room with my older brother Wade. On the top bunk, I was on the bottom bunk. I am just about ready to fall asleep, Dave. And our bedroom doors open, hall light is on, and there, waddling into the door, Mama Kitty. Now, yeah, I mean your question is. She's pregnant. She's pregnant, but it was also her name. We just called her Mama Kitty. We called her Mama Kitty. She was like, she must have been pregnant a lot. She's always pregnant. We had more cats running around. Which is a problem. Because like when you live on a farm and you can't have cats in the house, Mama Kitty is having those cats like in the combine, in the haystack, under the shed.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

She sounds skanky.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

Like she was, and I can never f I spent probably 90% of my childhood looking for kittens.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

Because Mama Kitty would just have them.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

She's so selfish.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

She was yeah, that's rude.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

I'm having this talk now, and I hate that cat. I'm just kidding. I love you, Mama Kitty. I've been having it. Um but anyway, so she waddles into the doorway, and I don't question it. I have no idea how she got in the house, but I'm not going to raise any red flags. I'm just thrilled that she's there. Call her your way. I call her while I'm like, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty. I lean over, you know, outside off the bed, and I scoop up a considerable I mean, I it was almost like a heft. I hefted Mama Kitty up.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

She's heavy laden.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

She is heavy laden, great with kitten.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Probably dilated to a nine.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Yes, 100% effaced. 100% effaced. I mean, but I didn't know that then. I just had Mama Kitty in my house, and I picked her up and I put her in my arms, and this is like a Norman Rockwellian photo, and we drifted off to a peaceful slumber. How old do you think you were at the time? That's a good point. I'm guessing 15. I think I'm between six and seven. Okay. Because what happened next is disturbing, but I wasn't old enough to realize how disturbing it was. So I'm obviously uh drifting off deep having sweet dreams. And Mama Kitty just nizzles right up to my face. And I don't know how much time had passed, but my parents were still awake, thank goodness. I woke up to Mama Kitty having birthed, is that a word? Yeah. Birthed her entire litter of kittens. There were probably seven or eight at least. They don't come out cleaned up. Well, they don't. I mean, so I had some work to do. Yeah, you did. But I wake up, they just imagine the joy in my heart as I wake up. See, that's the difference between you and I.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

I wake up repulsed.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Well, I was six.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

To the filth that has just emerged with these this litter of kittens. You're like, come here, little guy. Come here.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

Let me nurse you into life. Let me let me help you get those eyes opened with a with a lick here and a lick there. No, I mean, lick, there, lick everywhere, lick, lick. What was going through my mind is I knew right where these kittens were. I mean, I just saved probably two weeks of my life, not having to look for these kittens. I knew where they were. I was thrilled. Was it gross? Of course it was gross, but I didn't know it then. No, you're sick. I didn't know it then, Dave. So I'm overjoyed, and I'm like, mom, dad! You know, and of course, they're thinking that I'm asleep. To this day, Dave, I can I can see my mom. I mean, I can hear her running to our bedroom, and I can see her silhouette. She was just framed in the door, and she takes just a minute to kind of take in.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

You gotta process the carnage. Oh, sure. I mean, I'm like that's a bloodbath.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

And my mom was like, What? She's like, how did the cat get in the house? What is happening in the bed?

SPEAKER_01 15:38

That's on you.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

Yeah, I'm well, I mean it was, but she's like, I'm never gonna get those sheets clean. No, you burn them. Yeah, but my mom was a good lady. I tell you what, she was wonderful. So she's just like, uh, David, she called the dad, and uh he got a box.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

The dad. You mean your dad, not the dad of those kids.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

Well, I think I said David, come get your kids. Well, as we all know, those Tomcats are nothing but filthy, filthy. Trouble. Exactly. That Tomcat, he was on the next train out of town. Yeah, hiding her hair in him. So so my dad, David, my dad, he came. He he put all the kittens in the box. And uh Did you ever see him again? Well, of course I did, but I had to beg my mom. I said, Mom, please, just one night only. Let these kittens stay in the bathroom in the box. Because I like if we take them outside, she's gonna move them. She'll move them. And you'll never see them again. I'll never see those kittens again. And so my mom relented, and I was so grateful for that. But I can still my mom, she's like, Okay, oh, Jason, uh, get in the tub. And of course she found some some clean sheets and uh I hope there was a mattress protector.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

I hope so. I mean, we're gonna think that there was.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

I'd like to think there was because I didn't get a new mattress. We're just gonna get some hay bales. But yeah. That's all you get. Yeah, so I mean that's so I did have, I mean, obviously my um my kitten experience was was a little bit uh my animal experience was a little different than yours growing up.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

Yeah, so when you went looking for you say you had to look for kittens all the time?

SPEAKER_00 17:00

All the time.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

When you found them, then what?

SPEAKER_00 17:03

That's a fair question. Nine out of ten times, by the time I found those kittens, they were, you know, they were feral. Expired. Oh, feral. Oh no, expired. Sorry, I don't know. What do I know?

SPEAKER_01 17:12

What do I know?

SPEAKER_00 17:13

I'm not searching for cats all over. I'm searching for these feral kitties, and they'll bite you. So you leave them alone? Well, no, no, you don't leave them alone. You you set up a series of complex traps. Think of like a milk crate with like a stick and a string. Don't seem so complex, Jesus. That's not rocket science. Well, I mean, I learned this from Looney Tunes. Yeah. Put a little piece of, maybe like a little bit of, you know, a little cat food, maybe a little tuna or something in there. Yeah. A little something, something. I'm allergic to tuna, but whatever. Cats aren't. Sneak them in there, pull the string, the cat is trapped. I've got my big old leather welding gloves on, taming these cats. I mean, most of my childhood was spent making a feral cat tame. Mama Kitty herself was a wild feral animal when I got her.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

Next thing you know, she's cuddling with you on your bed, having babies. Having babies in my bosom. Yes, she was. Well, good grief. Don't you? It seems like you got a lot of cat stories.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

I do. I got a lot of cat stories. I think, I think in the interest of time, Dave, we better wrap this up.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

We really should. It's again going back to the bedroom of my sisters and I going to sleep at 7 p.m. We'd like to do is paint a nice picture for our listeners. I don't know why there was a flock of peacocks just down the road from my house. We used to go to bed at night to the sound of peacocks. What do they do? They cough?

SPEAKER_00 18:29

I don't know. Like do you know the sound of a peacock?

SPEAKER_01 18:31

I do, but you're you're talking Providence. Providence.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Are you sure you weren't raised in grass craft?

SPEAKER_01 18:34

Yeah, that I went I went to sleep at night to the sound of peacocks. I don't know what they do.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

I don't know. They do like a dove, like the sound of like coo.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

It's loud though. I mean, they weren't more than half a mile away. Was it pleasant to sleep to? Well, now that I'm thinking back on it, it wasn't terrible. But I'd like our listeners as we fade off into the night now to pretend you're listening to a bunch of peacocks singing you to sleep. Until next episode, folks, that's Dave Simmons and Jason Kimber. We'll see you next time. Good night. Good night. Thanks again, folks, for listening to another episode of the Small Towns Podcast. We're pretty sure we've changed your life for the better. If not, well, we'll try again next time.